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Please Don’t Call Me a Tease, Even if I Am

Posted on August 19, 2012 by caverns of my mind

I’ve decided to give you all another little sample from my book.

I See What You Mean

Soon after we got back to school, I got called into the nurse’s office.  She wanted to check my vision.  I looked at charts with all sorts of letters, with one eye, then the other, then both.  She asked me if I ever got headaches, did I have to squint a lot, and where did I sit in my classes?  No on the headaches, yes on the squinting, sometimes, and in the back whenever possible were my replies.

“Drew, I am making a note for my records, and I am sending home a letter with you to your parents suggesting they take you to get glasses.”  She smiled like she hadn’t just said every teenage girl’s nightmare was now happening to me.

“Glasses?” I tripped over the word, practically spitting it out, which would have been really embarrassing.

“Or contacts,” she added with a reassuring note.  “That’s up to you and your parents.  But you can’t keep ignoring the problem.  Your eyes will just get worse.”

The funny thing was that I had never noticed I had a problem until that day.  I never thought about how natural it felt to squint my eyes into the perfect slat to make the board visible, or the fact that I often dazed off when it came time to read overheads or watch videos.  Everyone did that.  At home, I usually planted myself on the floor with a pillow, so I was never extremely far away from the TV, and books were held closely anyway.  Glasses.  How could this be?  After that day, all of these irritations became more noticeable to me, and I was getting frustrated, but would not give my parents the note from the nurse.  I figured she would forget all about me.  I was usually good at being forgotten by adults, being the quiet one and all.  But I had a bad feeling when I got off the bus one afternoon.  Usually I had the bad feeling when I got on the bus, so I knew there had to be a problem.

“Drew,” my mother greeted me at the door that day.  Unusual.  “Has anything interesting come up at school over the last few weeks?”  I thought for a long while.  I knew I was making mostly B’s in my classes, so nothing there alarmed me.  The bus rides, though dreaded, had been uneventful, and I had actually put the visit with the nurse in the back of my mind by then, as much as possible.

“No, not really.  They started serving curly fries in the cafeteria,” I offered.  I wasn’t trying to be funny, but Mom thought so.

“Young lady, vision impairment is a serious matter.”  In my mind, everything came crashing down on me.  The nurse must have called because the letter was so far lost in my locker, it would have taken the jaws-of-life to dig it out.

“Oh yeah, that.  I forgot to tell you.”  I was able to use my meager eyesight to focus in on a speck of dirt on the floor, avoiding eye contact with my mom.

“Just like you forgot to give me the letter the nurse sent home, right?”

“You know I always forget to give you notes and letters from school.  Remember when I had to clean my room when we packed everything up to move?  There were probably hundreds of notes under my bed and shoved in drawers.  It’s kinda what I do,” I chanced a smile, remembering too late that vision impairment is serious.

“I called and made an appointment for Thursday with an optometrist.  We’ll get your eyes tested, and then you can pick out some glasses.”

“Does it have to be glasses?  Could I get contacts, please?  I don’t want to look like a geek.”

“Drew, I don’t know about looking like a geek or dweeb or whatever.  Your eyesight is important.  We’ll have to see how much contacts cost.  But the bottom line is that you need to be able to see the bottom line.”  She seemed to smirk, realizing her play on words.  I was not amused.  My life was over.
Copyright 2012

If you like it, if you can relate to it, or if you know anyone else who can relate to this, or who is in middle school now, you can find the entire book, Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl by Terri Klaes Harper, on Amazon’s kindle store (btw- you can download a free kindle app onto pretty much any electronic device).  If you love it, spread the word, rate it, and/or like my author page on Facebook.

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Make Room

Posted on August 18, 2012 by caverns of my mind

It is a nearly unavoidable fact that your life’s routine will get in the way of your dreams and goals, especially when they are already verging on what some people might consider weird or unrealistic.

After being back to work only one week, I quickly realized this to be true.  I have lofty plans and goals, and what I think is a “calling” that just seems so far away right now that my daily routine of being a teacher is threatening to bury that under a pile of lesson plans to create, student work to grade, and materials to read.  These are pending, and my duty as an educator, so how can I put them aside in order to work towards something that still seems a bit crazy in my own mind?

I cannot answer that question.  Sometimes we just have to make room in our lives for the unusual tasks in order to fulfill something extraordinary… and extraordinary rarely happens instantaneously, nor is it easy.

I just finished an inspiring book called Three Cups of Tea, which retells the true story of Greg Mortenson, a mountain climber who just happened to be inspired to build a school in a remote village of Pakistan.  He had no means to do this and no connections.  In fact, he lived in his car in San Francisco.  Yet this man has now successfully built several schools in remote villages of Pakistan (schools really concentrating on educating girls and hoping to educate to bring peace), and now in Afghanistan.

It just takes someone crazy or determined enough to make room to pursue a passion.

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In Ten Months I Get out on Good Behavior!

Posted on August 13, 2012 by caverns of my mind

I am certain summer breaks were longer when I was a kid.  Also, I’m pretty sure science will conclude that there is an equal number of seconds, minutes, and hours in a day all year long, but I think the summer days (not the actual season, but the days between the last day of one school year and the beginning of the next) are actually shorter (some sort of secret conspiracy).  Then the extra time taken out is somehow added to the days that are part of the school year, but we can’t tell because we’re so busy…

Oh well.  All this ranting must mean I’m about to start another year of teaching.  It’s weird how when I was a student, I usually was at least somewhat looking forward to the start of a new year by the time the first day rolled around.  As a teacher, I’m waiting to experience that, “I’m ready to start a new year,” feeling.  Instead, part of me is in denial, and the other part is revolting against it.

So let me take stock of what I was able to accomplish over my summer break (this list may not be in order of priorities):

I was able to find time for reading, though not as many books as I had hoped

I began to find my voice here as a blogger (what I really mean is that I noticed people started reading my posts)

I spent quality time with my children (ok, they’re dogs, but to me they are my children)

I contemplated the meaning of life (my life anyway)

I spent time with friends, family, and my husband

I raised awareness of human trafficking

I took naps 🙂

I slept an average of eight hours a night instead of the six I get the rest of the year (oh- that’s where the extra time went!)

I mowed the lawn once

I helped my husband begin the next phase of bathroom renovation

I worked on taking care of my body (better food and exercise at least some of the time)

I went on a mission trip to Costa Rica

and, oh yeah, I published my book…finally.

I guess I can feel good about what I got done, but I have so much more I want to do.  Sadly, I usually feel like I have to put everything I really want to do on hold for ten months.  My goal is not to do that so much this school year.  I’ve set some personal goals, and I am really going to have to continually kick myself in the butt in order to do them.  I think I’ve found some motivation now though, which has been the missing ingredient in past years.

And, the blog posts will be less frequent, I know.  However, I am setting a goal to write at least one each week, and the topics will remain as scattered and inconsistent as ever.

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How Do You Like Me Now?

Posted on August 7, 2012 by caverns of my mind

I am now officially on the verge of fame or infamy.

I finished writing my first book two years ago.  Then I worked on editing it and researched publishing it (sort of).  The world of publishing is so confusing these days and I was overwhelmed, so I really didn’t do much at all, but sat on the book for two years.  Fear of the unknown and rejection kept my book buried in the files of my computer.

No more of that.  I yanked that proverbial bull by its horns and I self published the darn book yesterday!  Was that the right move?  Who knows.  I could have searched years for an agent and still had to figure out how to self promote it with no guarantee that anybody would buy it.  Electronic publishing seems to be the wave of the future, and so I published it with kindle direct publishing through Amazon.  When I checked this morning, I’d already had two people buy it (and my I don’t think my mom even knows it’s up there yet)!

Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl: The Middle-ish Ages is really geared towards preteen readers, but if you grew up in the 80’s/90’s cusp, enjoy sarcasm and humor, give it a read.  It’s fiction based on my middle school reality, but in case you knew me then, very few characters are actually modeled after anyone specific, and I love making stuff up or exaggerating it.  That’s storytelling.

Curious?  You can check it out here and even read the first 10% for free.  If you like it, buy it, read it, and tell your friends all about it.  And just in case you’re thinking, “I don’t own a kindle, so forget it!” you can download a free kindle app for your Mac, your PC, or pretty much anything that’s an i or “smart”.

Happy reading, and please let me know what you think.  You can also “like” my author page on Facebook at Terri Klaes Harper (the author page).

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Ready, Set, Go!

Posted on August 6, 2012 by caverns of my mind

I love my mom dearly, but I blame her for my being a crier.  Sad occasions. Happy occasions.  They both bring equal tears, and sometimes I’m not even sure which one I’m feeling.  If you know me really well, you know I’m a crier.  But if you don’t know me too well, I like to think I take on a strong exterior (I could be completely wrong and maybe everybody can tell), because I’m pretty good at hiding the crying most of the time.  Going on the mission trip to Costa Rica brought a wealth of emotions to me, and tears.

The idea of being “called” to go somewhere and do something, whatever it may be, is an overwhelming privilege.  To be “used” for something good is awesome.  To see the world through opened eyes is a priceless opportunity.  I would love to have done more, but how many lives can one truly change in a week?  Sometimes these callings to “go” are more for us than they are for those we are going towards.  I needed my heart to be broken, and I needed to see that God is calling me for more.

I hear arguments from people that, “We shouldn’t have to travel around the world to see we have needs in our own communities,” but I think sometimes being given that perspective is important.  It helps us see needs differently, and to see our own roles in meeting them differently.   God wants us to do locally, and He has also called us to “Go into all the world.”  We can do both, and if we do, He will use us to grow others, and He will help us grow as well.

I’ve been warned to never pray for God to show you what He really wants from you unless you really want to know the answer, because it could change your whole world, take you out of your comfort zone, and lead you to new places.  From the first time I heard the song “I Will Go” (by Starfield) during worship at church, it has brought tears to my eyes every time.  I feel a need to “go,” both locally, and possibly not locally as well.  I don’t always know what good I will be for others, but if I am faithful to go, He will do good through me.  And if you do the same, you will be amazed at what will come.

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Uninhibited Airplanes (with sound effects)

Posted on August 3, 2012 by caverns of my mind

One unmistakable truth in life is that when you were a child, running was more fun if you held your arms straight out from your sides as if you were an airplane, and even better than that was making sound effects as you did it.  You don’t see many adults doing that.  Why not?  Are we too mature, or are we too jaded and scared of what others will think? There are so many “little things” in life kids are not afraid to do, but adults over-think the whole process and can’t get past themselves.

I’m not just lecturing everyone else, but I’m speaking from experience.  Going on a mission trip to Costa Rica was a step out of my comfort zone, but I’m usually up for travel, as long as I don’t have to do it alone.  All the plans were in place and I just had to show up.  Then I knew God would also show up and guide me through the rest of what I was to do there. That part worked out well, and I had an amazing experience.  I felt I was faithful through all of that and I got so much out of it (more than I gave, I’m sure).  Oddly, the most frightening part of the trip came on our day to relax (a day off was worked into our schedule for reflection, team building,  and just to keep us from being too overwhelmed by everything else we would see and do).  The first item on the agenda that day was a zipline tour over the canopy of the rainforest.  I’m not a big fan of heights, but I had paid the extra money and decided this was an opportunity I would probably not have again and I would regret it if I didn’t do it.

I was terrified.

The guy who had to help me into all my gear asked me how I was that morning, and I told him I was nervous.  “Me too,” he said.  “It’s my first day.”  Now, I knew he was teasing, and the fact that he could be so nonchalant about it helped me see this was a routine thing there and I didn’t have anything to worry about.  Then a group picture was snapped and we all climbed into a truck that would take us up to the top.  Ascending felt like it took forever, and the further up we went, to more nervous I was becoming. I was waiting to put my sweaty hands into those thick, reinforced leather gloves because it would be a sauna in there with all the sweat.

All ready to go- yes, you will stand and walk funny with all that gear

Then we were lined up and hooked to a cable.  One by one, each member of my team flew off on a cable towards the next platform, but not before we requested our pastor say a prayer for all of us.  The closer I got, the more I was shaking.  A few of my teammates were a bit worried about me.  I was a bit worried about me.  What would happen if I passed out on my way to the next platform? I wondered if that had ever happened.  There was an “emergency brake” system at each platform, and lots of padding…  Then it was my turn.  “Place your strong arm on the cable behind you and the other hand here,” said an oddly muted voice somehow attached to the guy pointing to the place where all the hooks were holding me to the cable I would soon be riding.  It was hard to hear him over my heart beating.

And then I was flying down a cable over the tops of trees!  Oh, and I could clearly hear myself screaming.  Then I began to rise again, and slow down as I arrived at the next platform.  I was still shaking when I was getting hooked onto the next cable.  The guy at that station tried to point out a toucan to me, but I would have to lean over to see it and I wasn’t steady enough to do that.  I figured I’d see it once I got going, but I forgot to look, only focusing my eyes directly in front of me as I again was launched down the cable.  When I arrived at the next platform, I wasn’t shaking so much.  Part of me was starting to enjoy it a bit.

This is a serious matter- notice the intensity of survival on my face

Then came a true test of letting go of inhibitions.  At the sixth platform we were supposed to be given a choice to either go backwards or upside down (which was also backwards, btw).  Apparently this was a “slow” cable and we needed to be more aerodynamic.  I had thought I would just do the backwards thing, but somehow I missed the part where we were given a choice and I was flipped upside down, my feet adjusted at the top of the cable, told to leave my arms loose, and shoved off the platform!

At first, I was disoriented and a bit angry at my surprise sendoff.  Then, I had a truly surreal experience as I looked to the side and saw the mountains hanging over the sky in the distance.  And here I was flying over the top of God’s beautiful creation, with my arms held out to the sides, making sound effects.  He had made all of that.  He made me.  And I was perfectly safe in His hands.

Doing the airplane

That’s how I feel so often.  As an adult, I over-think and over-analyze too much.  Sometimes I need to be more like a child and just let go of all my inhibitions.  I need to trust that God has me, as long as I am careful to follow Him.  Sure, we need to take precautions, like strapping into safety gear, but then we need to let the cable take us to the next platform.  I know my life is going to start changing very soon.  I’ve known that for a while now.  I don’t know the details yet, but when I’m at each platform on the way down the mountain, I’m going to trust God, and jump.

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Understanding a Functional Introvert

Posted on July 30, 2012 by caverns of my mind

More extroverts exist in our world than introverts, so often the idea of what an introvert is gets misconstrued.  Sure, some live in their mothers’ basements, squinting out into the sunlight only when they run out of food, and cannot seem to form sentences to verbally communicate with others; however, many of us are what I consider “functional introverts.”  We tend to really confuse extroverts.  Introverts are just more introspective and so we need time to process life by ourselves sometimes.  Sure, I’m not generally a conversation starter, but I can hold my own once it has been started, and I’m a great communicator in writing.

I took a test from the Strengthsfinder 2.0 book by Tom Rath a few years ago, and one of my “strengths” is intellection.  A few  of the traits mentioned are: “You like to think.  You like mental activity…You are introspective.  In a sense you are your own best companion.”  This can be misleading though, because I am not a socially awkward person.  Believe it or not, I can mingle quite well and am even often included in social settings.  In the book, an example of what an intellection strength person might sound like is this: “I suppose that most people who meet me in passing presume that I am a flaming extrovert.  I do not deny the fact that I love people, but they would be amazed to know how much time alone, how much solitude, I need in order to function in public.”  See, that’s the problem.  I’m social and friendly (some even say funny), but in order for this to work, I need space.

I went on a mission trip two weeks ago with a group of 13 other people, most of whom I did not previously know or know well.  We spent the entire week together, and of course, roomed together in groups.  We were kept busy during the day and tried to contact loved ones in the evening.  The hostel where we stayed had many areas set up for socializing, and it was impossible to find any place to be alone.  Hence, I spent a week in constant companionship with at least part of the group, if not all, not to mention the time spent with the little ones we were there to work with (through the awesome Roblealto Child Care Association).  It was all quite amazing and I loved all this time spent, but I never had a chance to stop and process any of it while away on the trip, creating an overload for me.

After I got back last week, I spent a few days with my husband who had taken time off work so we could be together since he had not come on the trip with me.  The great thing about Robert is that though he is an extrovert, he knows I am not.  We spent time together, but he also gave me at least some space to have some reflection time, like when he left me alone as I wrote my first blog post last Monday after my return.  He knows if I do not have this time, the functional part of my being an introvert will quickly turn dysfunctional.  Nobody wants to see that.  If you do, you’re a freak.

By the time Robert went back to work, I was highly in need of ALONE time, and I did very little that could be seen as constructive to the outside, but I was reconstructing myself.  I thought a lot about my team members and felt the need to pray for them as many of them were going straight back to work.  I couldn’t imagine having to do that after the week we had just had, so I knew even the extroverts would need help getting back into life and routine.

You know those times you get placed with people you don’t really know, and you’re afraid of how it will turn out?  That’s how I felt going into the trip.  I wasn’t as nervous about what we would do on the mission trip as I was about 14 different personalities converging in Costa Rica.  But sometimes, definitely if God is involved, it turns out to be amazing.  After all, He hand-picked us for this trip.  We varied in ages and backgrounds, yet we bonded quickly.  Our guide and interpreter was amazed at how much like a family we were, and how comfortable and accepted she felt with us.  I know we all must have had a few moments of frustration- we are human- but none of that lasted or really showed.  We looked out for one another and got to know and accept each other’s “characteristics” (you had to be there to really get that).  We bonded, and now I’m proud to call my Costa Rica mission trip team my mission family, and I truly feel love for each member.  Though I needed a week away from most of the world, I loved seeing my mission family again at church where we retold our experiences.  We all had missed each other, and though we are getting back into our busy lives, we agreed we don’t want to lose the connections we built.

My new family

The moral of this post is that we may all work through and process life in a different way, but if we take time to try to understand this about each other, we can all be functional together.

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The Precipice of Change

Posted on July 25, 2012 by caverns of my mind

And now what?  I’ve gone on my mission trip.  I’ve felt a stirring to love more.  But what exactly do I do with this feeling?

I’ve mentioned in earlier posts that I want to move on in my life and do more than what I’m doing now.  It isn’t just something I want though; it’s a feeling that I need to do something else, that God is calling me for more, and my husband has the same feeling, so we are ready to act on it.  The problem is that we don’t quite have the clarity of what that is yet. Human trafficking is the atrocity that breaks my heart, and yet I felt a pull towards the children I worked with last week, who appreciate any love they receive, not with the feeling it is owed them, but just a desire for it.  It could just be the high from the trip (which my husband has caught through me), but perhaps there is a way to combine these two ideas.  After all, these kids are the ones at risk of being pulled into the world of being trafficked in one way or another.

Does this mean I want to move to Costa Rica?  If that turns out to be the calling, we will go.  Maybe the passion Robert and I are feeling now will actually plant us with more domestic roots, but we’re ready either way. Now we just need that clarity and to figure out what our next steps are.  Life changes are a big deal, after all.  This trip was a confirmation that we do have a call,  and now we’re ready to find out what it is.

It’s hard to explain to people that you do feel love towards children when you’ve never had any of your own.  I never could figure out why God never gave me a desire to have children of my own.  I thought there was something wrong with me.  Then a friend of mine told me she thought Robert and I seemed like we would end up doing something with kids and that the fact we do not have our own actually makes it easier for us to relocate.  It was interesting and encouraging to hear that from someone who didn’t even know this was something on my mind.  God knows what He’s doing, and He’s got the masterplan, so who am I to question that?  A foundation is being prepared now, and I’m ready to start building.

God blessed me with a big heart, a big, sappy, emotional heart.  But He also gave me a thoughtful, logical mind.  An interesting balance at times.  Then on top of those traits, He placed Robert and I together.  Robert and I share a heart and logic, but he also has a leadership quality about him.  He’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert.  All this makes us a good team, and I cannot wait to see where God places us.  He’s been building us up for something for some time now, and we’re both ready to make our leap of faith, but we also know we need some more logistics so we don’t do something foolish.  What a place to balance- at the top of a precipice of change.

“Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; point out the right road for me to walk.”  Psalm 25:4

Skillet has a great song which deals with the needs our world has for change.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORHRvI7o23g

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Homecoming

Posted on July 23, 2012 by caverns of my mind

As I sip delicious Costa Rican coffee and occasionally reach down to pet the dog who has not willingly left my side since I came home early Sunday morning (I think MJ is afraid I’ll disappear again and she wants to keep me tethered here), I’m attempting to reflect on my mission trip to Costa Rica.  I know people will be asking, and many have already mentioned wanting to hear all about it in response to my posts and pics up on Facebook.  That means I have to be able to organize my thoughts and feelings out of this jumbled mess of emotion, which somehow reminds me of the confusion of the tunnel scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (minus the scary insects- that part of the movie always freaked me out when I was a kid).  I’m an introvert who just spent a week constantly in the presence of others, so I’m in overload now.

Also, as in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I really wish I had the Oompa Loompas to sing a song about the lesson I should have learned from my trip.  I’ve heard people come back from mission trips claiming to have experienced that one absolute God moment of clarity when they just knew what He wanted them to get from the trip. I’m not sure I had one; there were many moments where I felt His love and even got goosebumps or teary-eyed, but not a single moment of clarity as to the purpose of my specifically being on that trip.  I feel like I got so much out of it that I just cannot figure out my next move or what I am to do with what I have gained… except to LOVE.  To love like I’ve never loved before.  To love unconditionally.  To love with the love Jesus loved with (as if it is possible for any other mere human to do that), because that is the only way we can really impact the world and change lives.

My mission team family

For the first few days of my trip, I felt guilty.  Mission trips are supposed to be rugged and tribal, right?  I was in a setting surrounded by the most green I’ve ever seen, stunning mountain views, and vegetation like I’ve never seen before in my life.  Gorgeous is not a word that even comes close to describing Costa Rica (and that was while we were still in San Jose-  the rainforest and beaches we saw in the middle of the trip were even more amazing).  We toured the city. We haggled in the market. We ate food so delicious that one of my team members took a picture of every meal he ate on the trip.  We even attended and sort of helped at a church service not so different from ours, except it was in Spanish.  We weren’t really out of our comfort zones; we were just sort of experiencing a new place like tourists.

Then on Monday, we went to one of the centers of the Roblealto Child Care Association and learned about what they do, which is amazing.  There are three childcare centers that provide a safe, loving, God centered place for parents (usually single mothers) to bring their children while they go to work.  Many of them would otherwise have to leave their children home alone in dangerous neighborhoods. The centers are for families living in extreme poverty.

Los Guidos community

We were also told about their Strachan School and Bible Home (where we were able to visit on Thursday), a beautiful plot of land up a mountain where there is a school and eight incredible foster homes for children from extreme cases who cannot live with their own families for whatever reason.  The school is for these kids and a number of children from the surrounding  community, also in extreme poverty, to attend.  Roblealto makes an attempt to place each of these kids back with their families, once certain requirements are met, after a minimum of two years, with a 95% success rate.  However, a small number of these kids can age out of the program, and a new home for adolescent boys who would have been left with no place to go was recently opened, starting with eight boys, just as the original home began with eight children eighty years ago.

Then we were told of the Los Guidos community, the poorest area of San Jose, where Roblealto has land, but needs to earn money to meet a minimum in funding for the first phase of construction before the government will pitch in to help after that.  Los Guidos means the abandoned or forgotten.  This is an area of government land where squatters  piece together scrap metal to build shelters.  Electricity was run out there a while back, but they must “get it” for themselves and it is dangerous there because of gangs, drugs, and possibly forced prostitution.  We were taken on a bus tour through the Los Guidos community and it was the most heartbreaking place I’ve ever seen.  Children, who we were told should have been in school, were roaming around alone (some were as young as about three).  Once that center opens it will bring hope and light to that community, but right now they seem to have none.  We were told many of these children have already given up their wills to live, and a young girl of only nine, a victim of sexual assault, who was left alone during the day so her mother could try to earn money for them had even tried more than once to take her own life.

More Los Guidos

After we toured that area on Monday, we were taken to one of the centers in the city, ate a delicious lunch (the kids eat well while they are at the center, probably to offset the meager portions they likely receive at home), were welcomed by songs from the children, and were divided up to go to rooms to play with the kids.  They were so sweet.

Some of the older girls

On Tuesday we went back to the same center.  Some of us worked on a painting project, while others played with the kids, and still others did a healthy foods presentation with another group of children.  After lunch, we all shifted around, but most of us ended up helping in a friendship bracelet making session, where they learned that God is always their friend.  The language barrier many of us had made this difficult, but most of the kids were determined and diligent in their work, eagerly showing us their progress ( a few days later one of the girls who had missed that workshop because she was in a dance practice brought in some beautiful friendship bracelets, and I was one of the lucky recipients- she had learned at a camp previous to this).  Some of the boys were especially excited about the bracelets because they wanted to give them to family members.  When we ran out of time, I even promised one of the boys that I would finish his bracelet and give it to him on Viernes (Friday).  He did not forget and was one of the first kids to greet me that day, very happy to get his bracelet. He hugged me and said “Thank you” in his best English.

The first class I worked with

Wednesday was a work free day for us with the idea that we might need  a break to process some of what we had been doing and had seen.  I felt a bit guilty for this too as we went zip-lining over the rainforest canopy and then to a beach on the Pacific.  Of course, I was able to see more of the beautiful country, which I was much appreciative of.

Monkey Terri- I was probably screaming

Then on Thursday we went back to San Jose, had the most authentic of foods on our trip for lunch, and then went to tour the school and a few of the foster homes on the Bible Home property.  We were impressed with the way everything there is ran and with the love and hope that exists there.

Friday was our last day and we went back to the center where we had spent our time at on Monday and Tuesday, again broken up into different areas of the center, doing different activities.    One of the last things we did was a lesson on how God created every person to be special and unique, with a follow up of creating tie-dyed shirts to serve as a reminder of this.  The teacher of this age group was happy they would have these shirts because he had wanted to have something uniform for them but they did not have the money for it.  We did not get to see the finished products then, but we have been promised a picture of the kids wearing their shirts soon.  At the end of the day we gathered together with all the kids and teachers and did some activities, which were physically difficult for me with a little girl wrapped around my waist (she just didn’t want to let go- what a cutie).  Then we were pulled to the middle, the kids sang us a song, and one of the older girls said a prayer for us.  Each of the classrooms had made a number of thank you cards for us and they were handed out.  Then the kids were told they could come tell us goodbye.  This is where I nearly lost it.  These kids, with their difficult backgrounds and lives of poverty,  never acted as if they were “owed” anything.  There was no bitterness in any of them, though I certainly would not have begrudged them that if they were.  Instead, they cherished every bit of love and attention they were given, and though all we did was go there and play with them, spend time with them, and help the teachers in their routines with these kids, they LOVED us for loving them.  They came at us from all directions, hugging and kissing us.  I found myself with up to five children at a time attached to me.  And they weren’t little hugs.  They threw their bodies into it, clinging with all their might.  I know why Jesus said we should come to him like little children.

If I could pinpoint any single moment of clarity, that might have been it.  LOVE.  That is all, and yet it is so much.

After getting off the plane and settling into the back of the van for the drive home from Miami, I had my first “alone time” and popped in my earbuds.  The following song played and really spoke to me, so I’m including a video with the lyrics.  I wish the images were from my trip, but they are not (they’re still good though). Please enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLy-B9LuqMo

Incidentally, if you have ever considered sponsoring a child through any organization but were suspicious of where all the funds go, Roblealto gives 100% of the sponsor money towards the child you sponsor.  Also, having seen them in action last week, I assure you it is an organization worth the donations.  If you are interested in learning more about Roblealto or in sponsoring a child, please follow this link for Roblealto.  If you cannot support them, please pray for them, and for those beautiful children who deserve a chance at life.

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My Toolbox has been Empty

Posted on July 10, 2012 by caverns of my mind

In a twist of irony, I recently rediscovered a book I began reading but misplaced somewhere years ago (and with only about an eighth of it left to read). I started my career of teaching about then and I didn’t have time for reading anything like that anymore, so it got shoved in a drawer of my nightstand.  Here comes the part that makes that ironic. On the back cover of the book, Stephen King’s writing memoir On Writing, it reads, “If you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the time or the tools to write.”

See the irony now?

My true dream since ninth grade was to be a writer.  My English teacher discovered I had this talent which had previously just been something I did because it was fun, with no realization that I was any good at it.  After all, I suffered from the common ailment of adolescence, low self-esteem.  Once I had my teacher’s push and support for writing, I became passionate about it.  And my parents encouraged me.  Everyone around me encouraged me, so I kept it up… until college, when I no longer had time because I was working the low end of full-time hours and taking a full-time load of classes, all while maintaining steady A’s and B’s.  My deep down dream was to be a famous and rich writer, but the realist inside of me knew money for writers was hard to come by and I would need a day job.

My “day job” then invaded every moment of my life, leaving me in exhaustion in the tiny bits of “free time” I could muster.  About all I ever seem to have energy for after a day of teaching, planning, communicating with parents, grading work, and on and on, is crashing on the couch to mindlessly watch television.  So, even reading is something I find I have little time for, unless it’s something I’m reading to teach in class or all too often horrendously written student papers (also, I tend to just fall asleep when I try to read-pathetic). According to the above quote, I have no tools for writing, which I guess is all right since I don’t have the time for it anyway.

Grrr!

That’s right, I just wrote a stand alone “Grrr!” and I’m not ashamed.  I am, however, ashamed that I let my dream die.  But perhaps it isn’t completely dead.  I’m trying to shock it back to life. That’s the purpose of doing this blog.  It forces me to write something, anything really (this is more obvious if you’ve read the random and often unrelated posts I’ve been writing).

It took me two summers to write my book.  And it has taken me two more summers to get the nerve to do anything with it.  I will be self-publishing it soon (mostly waiting on my cover art), and I will see if the interest deems the book worthy of a sequel and go from there.

I recently shared that my desire, and what I feel is my calling, is to work with survivors of human trafficking, and now I’m writing that my dream is writing.  I must seem scattered.  Truthfully, I want to work as an abolitionist and help restore those who have suffered at the cruel hand of slavery, but I also feel my ability and passion in writing can work the other end of the problem, which is awareness.  Somehow I can fuse these dreams together.  But I must make time to read, to write, and to research my next moves all while I work my day job, which will begin again in about a month. This school year will be challenging, but my hope is that I will be able to actually set off on my true life’s mission in about a year from now as I use this time to prepare.

For now, I’ll continue my blogging, and I’ll read as much as I can, including finishing On Writing.

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