Category Archives: Reflection

Graduation Overload

School is out for most schools in the US now, and graduations may be behind us for the year, which is probably a good thing. We can finally breathe easy. Is it just me, or do kids seem to be having graduation ceremonies at every grade these days? Preschool. Kindergarten. Sixth grade. Eighth grade. Twelfth grade. Doesn’t this sort of take away from the graduations that really matter? I picture the kids thinking the equivalent of Forrest Gump and his, “Then ah met the President…again.”

It’s not that moving up to a new grade isn’t important, but in the younger grade levels, it’s certainly more expected, in our culture anyway. It’s like saying, “Congratulations for breathing today!”  Isn’t breathing its own reward? They were probably going to pass kindergarten anyway. Legally, kids have to complete so much schooling.

Completing kindergarten is part of the process of growing up.  Sure, it’s great, but it’s not even a grade with a number yet.  Far more kindergarteners will move on in their education than people will actually complete high school.  Graduation should be about achievement.  But what else should we expect in a society that stops recognizing kids who make honor roll in ceremonies and instead rewards everyone equally? The parts of life that take hard work are being recognized less because it makes those who do not succeed feel badly about themselves.

In my opinion, Jostens and Herff Jones are the ones behind this.  It’s all about making money and much less about the achievements of the children. Sure, it’s adorable to see these little smiling faces in caps and gowns, because we’re used to those being things for older children and young adults.  It’s similar to the way I feel baby shoes are so freaking cute, especially baby Converse or Vans.

Maybe I’m just bitter though. I didn’t have any graduations until I finished twelfth grade. My sisters had both had eighth grade graduation ceremonies, but we moved long before I had my chance, and my middle school did not subscribe to the graduation idea.  I even remember my sisters getting gifts for their graduations, but since I didn’t have a ceremony and only did all the other same stuff to move up into high school, I didn’t get any presents when it was my turn. You know why?  Because it wasn’t a huge deal and nobody thought it was special because there was no ceremony beating them over the head to remind them.

I don’t know the numbers, but when I attended the graduation of the high school I taught at up until last year so I could see my former students graduate, the numbers seemed smaller than years past.  I guess this graduating class was smaller than they have been recently, but a few teachers also told me less kids had decided to attend the ceremony.  How sad!  Graduating from high school truly is a huge rite of passage, and not everyone does it, so it is special, yet more kids are choosing not to attend these days.  My theory is that they don’t see it as all that special since they’ve already done it so many times.  Can we save to special occasions for the occasions that are special so they retain their meaning and importance?

I “walked” for my high school graduation.

high school graduation

Then I worked hard for two years, while maintaining a GPA that earned me the ranking of Magna Cum Laude to earn my A.A., and I “walked again.

LFCC 1997

LFCC 1997

After completing my requirements for my B.A. and ranking as Cum Laude, I decided I had worked hard enough to go through one more ceremony. (Sadly, I cannot locate this picture) They were special, not because they were a natural progression in life, but because I had worked my butt off for something the average American does not actually achieve (please do not interpret this as elitism- not everybody chooses this path for various reasons, but I did and worked hard for my success). I just don’t want to see what is special lose its meaning.

Fourteen Years Later and I Still Could Not Ask for More

Today is a special day in my life.  Fourteen years ago, I married my perfect match and best friend.  Sure, neither one of us is perfect on our own, but we’re perfect for each other.  I had never dreamed I would be married at twenty-two (I intended to be on my own until I was at least as old as I am now),  but it all just fell into place and I knew it was meant to be.

I’m not always easy to deal with and I’m closed off in my own head so much of the time, but Robert knows how to pull me out and when I need to just stay there.  He’s seen me at my very worst, and fortunately, at my very best.  We’ve shared happy momentous occasions, as well as the simplicity and joy of the small, quiet moments. We’ve seen what we thought was our dreams being crushed, and then discovered the dreams we were supposed to be following… and we learned to follow them together. We’ve sacrificed for each other and with each other, which has only grown us stronger.

wedding

A marriage is work, but it’s worth it. I’m not sure who or what or where I would be without Robert, and I don’t want to know.  I wouldn’t be the same me I’m proud to have become if he had not been by my side.  I know God brought us together, and I thank Him for my loving, encouraging, supportive, silly, fun, and all-around wonderful husband.

Fourteen years ago, we stood in a church, exchanged rings, and promised to be one together for the rest of our lives. Fourteen years ago, we danced to our song that still has the perfect lyrics for the way my husband makes me feel.

A Year of Retrospect

It’s been about a year since I put in my notice that I was leaving behind my career in teaching, one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make in life.  And where am I now?

I’m sane.

This is what I looked like while I was teaching (it was Spirit Week- don't judge too much)

This is what I looked like while I was teaching (it was Spirit Week- don’t judge too much)

I look back over this year and don’t know that I’ve made many tangible or visible steps towards what I had hoped to ultimately gain as far as ministry or fighting human trafficking goes, but what I first needed to recover before being able to go further was my sanity. Leaving teaching was a leap of faith because I didn’t have a set plan, and I still really don’t, but it’s been working out, so I feel God is giving His stamp of approval and I’m heading the right way, even if it feels I’m traveling there slowly.

What have I been able to actually accomplish?

I have been able to spend time with my husband again.
The house and budget are kept in much better order
I have made myself more available and signed up as a co-leader for my summer mission trip to Guatemala this year, as well as being able to do more in the community through my church
I have discovered that it wasn’t just my fault I had no time to spend with my friends- they’re all busy too- but I have made new friends as well and I’ve come out of my protective shell more
I had time to research more about self promotion for my writing career
I wrote a second book which I am about to publish.
I have genuinely smiled and laughed more in this last year than I had for several years before that.
 

As a teacher, my students were the best part.  If not for them, laughter would have been kept to a minimum with all the other stress from that career. I was afraid I’d feel I had abandoned them, but I cherish them, and I always will.  Whenever I am asked if I regret leaving or consider going back, it surprises me how much I realize that was an important chapter in my life, yet I have no trouble with turning the page and beginning this new one.

I cannot go back, because if I do, I’ll never move forward.

How Flexible Are You?

Compi a lo re darkman  www.friki.net

Compi a lo re darkman http://www.friki.net

I can’t even touch my toes without bending my knees ever so slightly, so in the physical sense my flexibility is embarrassing. Fortunately, that’s not what I’m discussing today and I probably didn’t even need to bring it up. Oh well.

This isn’t about bending your body, but bending your will and your mind. Sure, you don’t want to be known for not having a backbone, but a structure with no give to it will collapse or break under too much pressure.  That’s why architects purposely design tall buildings (especially in earthquake or high wind prone areas) to actually be able to sway some, safely.

Are you a safe swayer?  I admit that swaying has not always been easy for me.  I like plans and hate surprises (unless they are chocolate). But not swaying just made me miserable.  As a teacher, I had to learn to adapt and adjust because even with great lesson plans (the part I could control), there were far too many unstable factors in that world to not be willing to think and change quickly.  *A note here- I left teaching, but many other factors contributed.  Since I left teaching , about ten months ago now (wow!), I’ve had to keep on swaying because now I don’t even have a steady job to count on.

Last night, I attended a mission trip meeting, as I will be going on my third short-term mission trip this summer and am actually one of the co-leaders of our small group going to Guatemala in August.   We went over two scriptures covering this idea of being flexible.

Proverbs 16:9

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Acts 20:22-24

And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there.  I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me.  However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me, the task of testifying to the Gospel of God’s grace.

We shouldn’t go through life with no plans, but think of what you may miss if you’re not willing to be at least somewhat malleable in life.  Sure, this illustration is a spiritual one, but whether or not you believe in God or any sort of higher power, you have to admit that life becomes easier and more enjoyable if you learn to sway more.

The Elegance of Grammar

This will seem odd to most people.  At least that’s what I thought for so long.  I felt alone…until last week when I stumbled across someone who expressed my feelings exactly and I realized there are others out there who know.

I was reading The Elegance of a Hedgehog by Muriel Barberry when her character Paloma, a twelve year old genius who is running out of hope in humankind and the purpose for living, perfectly captured my feelings on grammar:

Personally I think that grammar is a way to attain beauty. When you speak, or read, or write, you can tell if you’ve said or read or written a fine sentence.  You can recognize a well-turned phrase or an elegant style.  But when you are applying the rules of grammar skillfully, you ascend to another level of language…I get completely carried away just knowing there are words of all different natures, and that you have to know them in order to be able to infer their potential usage and compatibility…it becomes obvious that grammar is an end in itself and not simply a means; it provides access to the structure and beauty of language, it’s not just some trick to help people get by in society. (pgs 158 & 159)

elegance of a hedgehog

I write because I love telling stories, but I also write because I love all the various ways I can tell my story.  Grammar, diction, and syntax can all be brought together in a magical way.  Just writing something because you have to becomes a chore.  But writing because you love and understand language becomes an art…literature.  I don’t want to just write for the sake of writing.  I want to create and explore, to guide emotions with my written words.

And then, the very next day I was reading The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian by Sherman Alexie when I came upon this great excerpt between the protagonist Junior and his new friend Gordy on books:

“Yes, it’s a small library. It’s a tiny one.  But if you read one of these books a day it would still take you almost ten years to finish.”

“What’s your point?”

“The world, even the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don’t know.”

Wow.  That was a huge idea.

Any town, even one as small as Reardon, was a place of mystery. And that meant that Wellpinit, that smaller, Indian town, was also a place of mystery.

“Okay, so it’s like each of these books is a mystery.  Every book is a mystery. And if you read all the books ever written, it’s like you’ve read one giant mystery. And no matter how much you learn, you just keep on learning there is much more you need to learn.” (I forgot to get the page numbers for this one)

part time indian

So between the beauty of language when it is formed correctly and all the mystery and newness in each book, I basically wish I could close myself off in a book cave forever, pausing only to create my own and to eat chocolate…and bacon.

If you didn’t see the truth in this before, I hope this stirs a revolution in your mind and soul.  If you did but thought, much like I did, that you were the only one, you are welcome.  Now you know you are not alone.

You’re Not the Boss of Me! Banning Bossy

Yes, the idea of blaming the word is this ridiculous.

Yes, the idea of blaming the word is this ridiculous. (not sure where meme came from to give credit)

I’ve been hearing and reading a bit about this idea of banning the word bossy because it is most used against women in authoritative positions and it sends a bad message to little girls who are more often called bossy than their male counterparts. Now the solution to the problem is to ban the word bossy. Why don’t we, instead, try to educate a bit more on why it is women may be seen that way when they are in positions of power?  A history of the struggle for women’s equality might be insightful as to why women may feel more of a need to prove themselves. Or the idea that women are more often seen as the caregivers and may then be seen as bossy since they are the ones who oftentimes make decisions. I’m not ranting about wanting the freedom to call little girls and powerful women bossy (I’m sure I have been called the word once or twice in my life, but it was obviously insignificant enough for me to not even really remember).  I’m just saying that banning a word is not a solution to the problem.

In fact, that’s just about the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard or read.  Oh, wait…is it ok to use the word stupid?  Lackluster individuals may feel offended.  Seriously, unless you never use words, you are bound to offend or upset someone sometime.  I like to call that life.  Welcome to it.

To be honest, I’ve never really given much thought to the word bossy, but if we all start banning words we don’t like, eventually we may have no words at all, and thus, no way to express ourselves and our feelings.  I can think of several words that are offensive and should not be used in front of children, yet the liberality in which they are used these days now seems to suggest it’s ok.  Bossy is not the B word that should concern us. Where are our morals? I find the lack of those to be offensive.

Do we allow people to use synonyms of the word instead or will we also ban domineering, pushy, overbearing, controlling and officious?

Then there is the whole idea of physically banning a word.  Has it ever been done?  How do we do it exactly?  We would have to take it out of the dictionary and then search out and remove it from any piece of literature ever written.  I suppose we could have book burning festivals.  We would also have to come up with a punishment to use against offenders.  Community service? Jail time? Or maybe we could just stone them or lock them away in camps? If we heard somebody say it, how should we react?  Responding would show we recognized the word.  Perhaps staring blankly at the perpetrator, indicating the use of an unknown word, would be the best reaction, and then specialized, trained professionals would be signaled that the word had been uttered and they could come take the individual away.

Look, if people want to call me bossy or whatever else, so what?  You cannot ban opinions…or can you?

Some Beats None

I stole the title from a main takeaway idea from the book Start by Jon Acuff. (This isn’t really a book review, but a focus on what I’m thinking about now based on this one idea.) I have to keep reminding myself of these three words of wisdom because I am so often an all or nothing, perfectionist type of person.

Well, if I can’t get it perfect the first time, I just don’t want to do it.

or

I don’t have time to do all of it at once, so I just won’t start it at all.

But… we all have to begin somewhere, right?

I have a huge revolving to do list and I feel like I add more to it than I am ever able to check off.  Accomplishing one thing often leads to more that needs to be done to keep up.  This is because I am a writer getting ready to release a new book, and because I am a bit neurotic.  No, seriously, I feel I must remain busy because I have no “real job” anymore since I left the teaching profession, and I am now always trying to find ways to continue participating in contributing to society.  Otherwise I would feel worthless, and being able to do this was part of the reason I left my job.  It all ties together in one vicious cycle, but I can only keep my sanity if I hold onto the “some beats none” mantra.

I cannot do it all at once, but I can do what I can when I can do it.  You follow? I have learned to break down my to do list with more subcategories so I can still see my progress even if I do not yet see results.  It really helps.

In writing this post, I have already done a little of the some I have on today’s to do list.  One small victory.  Now onto the next!

This Crazy thing Called Technology: Just an Observation

I was just having a flashback moment last night that resulted in the inspiration for today’s post.  Who remembers cameras that used real film?  Anybody remember anything other than the common 35 mm camera?

The only difference is that my first camera way baby blue, not pink.

The only difference is that my first camera way baby blue, not pink.

My first camera was a 110 Concord and I quickly learned that all my pictures would be off center until I learned to purposely aim it a bit to the left (or right- I really don’t remember which way anymore, but it was definitely off center).  Of course, I went through the entire multi-pack of film I was given with this wonderful Christmas gift, and waited the customary one month minimum it took for my mom to take me to drop off the film, and then the additional week it took for the grocery store to send the film away to their lab for development before I learned this fact.  So maybe I didn’t learn this lesson quickly at all.

And that is the point to this post: Technology advancement.  I was probably ten or so and my first muse and model for my photography was our family’s cat.  After that first round of pictures finally came back (and I didn’t care that they were terrible and off-center), I had to save up my allowance to buy film and pay for developing because my mom already had a pretty good idea what the cat looked like and wasn’t going to pay for such nonsense.

Now?

Now we point and shoot our phones at something and instantly upload our pictures to Instagram, which we can link to Facebook, or send them to our spouses or mothers via a text message.  The key word is instantly.  It’s crazy!  And I didn’t even mention the quality difference yet.  There are baby pictures of me that have discolored over the years from physical photo development, but modern mommies can capture amazingly clear photos of first steps and keep them safely in a cloud, or the cloud, or whatever.  The clarity, megapixels and whatnot, are far beyond the technology of my grainy 110 camera from my childhood.

I rarely bother actually printing photos anymore either.  I’d just have to place them into bulky physical photo albums.  Now I just move them around on my computer to organize them into virtual photo albums that only take up as much room as is needed on my computer or back-up hard drive.

I could go on and on about this, but I believe I’ve made the point of my amazement.  And I refuse to let the exponential growth of technology make me feel old, just fortunate to be around to see it (and incidentally, I’m really not very old).

Because Sweat is Weakness Leaving the Body…

In exactly a week from right now I should be done with my third and final run in the Ragnar FL Keys 2014 race and my van will be in Key West waiting for our second half to finish.  A month ago I was doubting I’d be able to run in this race, but I went out for my first long run in two months this morning, and I feel awesome.  I still feel like I didn’t get in as much training as I would have liked, but I’m proud not to have given up.

When I couldn’t run, I rode my bike or worked out on the elliptical, which I hate because it’s so boring.  I attempted comeback runs a couple times before I succeeded without crying because of the pain in my leg.  In caring for my leg and combating the pain, I knew it would be hard.  But I’m running again, and sweating out the weakness.

The other part that makes this great is that I have an amazing support team of local runners, and of course, my Ragnarrhea teammates.  Thanks to everyone who has helped encourage me to get back out there.  This Ragnar was supposed to be my most challenging because I was originally going to take on more miles.  But now it’s the most challenging because I’ve had to get my head straight.  Running isn’t just physical, but mental as well.  And I’ve got my mantra now:  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

Persevere through the Now

I’m not sure when or where I heard or read this inspirational tidbit, but it came to mind today.

More often than not, my head is in the future.  I could at least be pleased that I’m not always dwelling on the past; however, though it is smart to be prepared for the future, we cannot live there either.

Most of what I do I do with the future in mind, but almost to the point of neglecting the present moment.  Sometimes I need to learn to let that go a little and take in what and who surround me in the here and now. I’ve got to find a balance in this, and I am certain I’m not the only one out there with this problem.

And to borrow the wise words of Devo (though I would question the wisdom of their fashion sense, and many other things in their video), “When a problem comes along, you must whip it.”  Problems will come along.  Deal with them and persevere through the moment when they come, but we should no more dwell on the problems of the future than those of the past.  So remember to live in the moment, and do the best you can.  Leave the worries of tomorrow for tomorrow, and live beyond the past.

Just for fun.  If you weren’t a child of the ’80s, I must caution you: this video may be disturbing.