It Would Be a Sin Not to Read this Book: I Kill the Mockingbird

I don’t go to bookstores very often because it is dangerous. I already have a huge and growing list of books to read, and bookstores just increase the chances that I’ll end up with a book not even on my list. I should just admit to myself that I will never complete my list, but I’ve been trying denial for a while now. Books on my list are like that old wive’s tale about gray hairs, where if you pull one out, two more grow in its place.

I was recently in a bookstore, and yep, it happened again. I was innocently walking by a shelf when this book caught my eye.

kill mockingbird

As an ardent fan of Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, I could not ignore this cover.

(BTW- I’m still not sure where I stand on Go Set a Watchman)

I picked up the book and read the back cover, then the first few pages. I quickly realized this book is for juveniles and a far stretch from the A Song of Ice and Fire series I have been reading. It appeared it would be a quick, yet humorous and pleasant read, and also something good to read as a gauge for a comparison to my own juvenile fiction series (please, if you do not understand the naming of book age categories, do not think I am insulting this or my own books). And yes, it is a tribute to the book I love so much.

So I bought it.

And I took it to read on days at the beach (between walks, and searching for starfish with a five year old).

Oh, and I loved it!

First of all, the trio of young friends was not only a group I personally connected to because they were intelligent yet fun book nerds, but one of them had a Star Wars backpack as well. Seriously, I loved that these kids were not portrayed as a bunch of trouble-making hoodlums out wreaking havoc all summer long, but a group of awkward kids with their own issues, making the most of their summer by “fighting for the books” in a way that would have made their late English teacher proud.

Though technology played an important role in the progress of the kids’ summer project, kids being kids reigned and there was an Americana feel of how simple summer should be and an innocence similar to that of Scout, Jem, and Dill in To Kill a Mockingbird. Sure, they witnessed Atticus having to put down a rabid dog and defend a poor black man wrongfully on trial for the color of his skin, and Lucy, Elena, and Michael deal with the death of a beloved teacher while Lucy comes to grips with the near loss of her own mother to cancer, but they are still all just kids trying to have fun in a small town setting.

There is also an understanding of our culture that is a little sad, but still funny. This excerpt will illustrate that:

“We know people are talking about the book,” I say to Elena. “I wish we could be sure that they’re reading it.”

“How about we go online and start a rumor that To Kill a Mockingbird is violent and lewd? she suggests. “That would get people to read it.”

“The story’s got rape, murder, lynching, and rabies,” I remind her. “There’s also a man named Boo, and an old lady drug addict, and a kid dressed up like a pork chop. How are we going to top that?”

There is also a beautiful scene where Lucy and her mother finally talk about her mother’s near miss with death by cancer:

“Lucy,” says Mom, “I am going to die.”

Suddenly I feel like I can’t catch my breath. “What?” I say again.

“You heard me… But that’s not all.”

“There’s more?”

“I’m not going to die today…We all die, Lucy. Me. You. Everybody. But you know what we do first?”

I shake my head.

“We pretend that it’s not going to happen. We make believe that we’re never going to die. Do you know what that’s called?”

“Lying?” I say.

“Living, Lucy. It’s called living. That’s what I’m going to do now.”

I Kill the Mockingbird was an easy and funny read, yet had deep messages. In that way,and the presence of a protagonist who is mature and intelligent, I compare this story to my own book series. I loved this book, and it was a great respite in the middle of the violence and death I’ve been reading.

Play Like a Girl

World champs

I should preface this post with the disclaimer that I am not an expert in anything athletic, least of all any sort of organized sports. I have discovered that I can actually sit through a soccer game though, and my mind not wander too much. This discovery was made because my husband is a huge soccer (real football because the players primarily use their feet to engage the ball) fan and I got pulled into it through the last several World Cups.

This was the first time I watched women play soccer. I had heard it was boring and slow to watch, and since…squirrel… I didn’t really want to lose precious time watching that.

I was missing out.

I watched all the USWNT matches and a few others throughout the tournament and I was impressed. They had skill, control, fancy footwork, and sportsmanship, or I guess sportswomanship. Don’t get me wrong, I love to watch the men play too, but they can be such divas, rolling around on the ground every few minutes. When these women fell down or crashed into each other, they helped pick each other up and kept going. (Ok, so the men sometimes help each other up too, but usually they are too busy yelling in the ref’s face). These women were tough, and I have mad respect for that.

One disappointment: the way our team changed their play every time Abby was put in the game. I never watched her in her prime, but I understand she is a legend and earned it. However, even when our ladies were doing fine already, every time Abby came in the game, they started playing long ball to get the ball to her, when they should have been keeping it close and following through themselves.

It comes down to confidence. I don’t think they realized they had it without Abby. They figured it out in the final…within the first 16 minutes of the game. The energy they began with was incredible. By the time Abby came out, our women knew they had it, and her playing was more of a nod of respect to her years of hard work as this would be her last match. She must also be proud to see that her team is strong and finding their way on their own now, no doubt partially through her expertise and guidance. The moment when the captain’s arm band was handed over to Abby was special.

If our little one wants to play in any sports as she gets older, I hope she plays like a girl.

Perspective

Birds are known for their symbolism in literature.

In my warped world, I find myself humming Bob Marley and then internally reciting lines from Poe all in the same day, and for no reason.

My point?

I don’t really know. I just realized an illustration of perspective, I guess, and probably a difference in the drugs they each used.

Poe's bird

Poe’s bird

Marley's happy little birds

Marley’s happy little birds

Perspective.

My Buddy (Kid Sister Sold Separately)

Our dogs follow us everywhere and are very much a part of our lives, so much so that I hardly even think about the awkward contortions I put my body through just to navigate the kitchen, walk down the hallway, or sleep.

better bed buddy

Any ’80s kids out there? Who remembers these lyrics? “My buddy. My buddy. Wherever I go he goes.” So that is why we started calling Sir Dylan buddy from time to time. And then we got him a little sister, and since she also sticks to us, and her older brother like velcro, she is Kid Sister.

Now for an ode to my dogs in pictures.

dogs holding hands

They are inseparable (Dylan left, MJ right)

My bed is not the only one they take over.

My bed is not the only one they take over.

They really don't even let me go to the bathroom alone.

They really don’t even let me go to the bathroom alone.

Dylan is my 55lb lap dog.

Dylan is my 55 lb lap dog.

Now if you have a dog, give him or her a big hug for the unconditional love you get. If you have an old My Buddy or Kid Sister…I don’t know, but that’s pretty cool.

It’s a Pride Thing

I am not really a competitive person, unless it’s with myself…that is, until it comes to others doing well where I am not but really want to be. It’s a pride thing. For instance, when I see other writers I know who are having any degree of luck while my book sales seem to be in a “dry spell,” I want to be happy for them, but I’m secretly thinking, “My books are just as good. It’s not fair!” (even though it mostly comes down to my getting lazy, which is obviously my own burden).

This sounds a lot like jealousy, but it is also prideful.

And then I witnessed something that should change my entire outlook, and it does, except my human flaws are going to cause me to forget this from time to time, and so hopefully posting it here will help me remember a little better.

musical chairs

A couple weeks ago, our little one had her class end of year party, and we went. The kids were playing a rather intense round of musical chairs and our girl was the second one out. She didn’t get upset, but immediately took her place on the outside while she and the other child out became spectators. The other girl was chanting the name of one student, so ours joined in. This was sweet as it showed they were not sore losers and were able to cheer for someone else. After a few more kids joined them on the sidelines, our sweet girl began to chant, “Everyone! Everyone!” to which one child still circling the chairs yelled, “Not everyone can win, you know!”

Not everyone can win. It’s true, and a lesson I want her to understand; however, I loved her reply, “Well, I know, but I just wish they could.” Even though she was already out, with no opportunity to get back in the game, she wanted to see everyone else do well. That was where she was finding her joy in that moment. It’s easy to scoff at the successes of others when we aren’t feeling exceptionally successful ourselves. It is equally hard to cheer others on when we feel we’ve lost our way or our opportunity.

She went on the play other games, and won a few. That’s usually the way of life. You know that old saying, “You win some, you lose some,” has some merit. When we lose, we need to realize there will be other games. So go ahead and cheer for the successes of others. One day they will also cheer for yours, and you will feel much better if you can focus on and take joy in the good.

Have a Rockin’ Summer: Adding Yearbooks to the Endangered Species List

My twenty year high school reunion is in the works.

I am getting old.

Also, I am not going to the reunion. Basically, I know what’s up because I am on Facebook, and I do not want to relive twenty years ago, unless I am torturing myself with distant memories to make fun of as Drew in Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl. It’s not that high school was really all that horrible (no more than for anyone else, I’m sure), but I prefer to leave the past in the past.

Unless it involves looking through my old yearbooks.

These are my high school yearbooks from WCHS

These are my high school yearbooks from WCHS

Seeing reunion posts on Facebook reminded me that I found my yearbooks a few months back when we reorganized and remodeled our home office. Those yearbooks are especially special to me because I was part of creating it from my sophomore through my senior year. From headlines to deadlines, to awkward picture caption writing and slow Macintosh computers using Pagemaker, I did it, and edited it.

Having recently taught at the high school level, I sadly realized that yearbooks just don’t have the same importance and emotional attachment (I used to use mine as reference books) that they used to. In my day (see- I told you I’m getting old), for at least a week after yearbooks came out, they were academic distractions. Often teachers, if they were cool, just gave up and let us have time for part of a class period to look at them and trade to sign them. For some reason people who hardly spoke to each other suddenly felt the need to have each other write silly things like “K.I.T.” (keep in touch) and share their phone numbers so they could “have a blast together over the summer, just like in science class,” or wish each other to “have a totally rockin’ summer, dude!” We would reserve special blank pages for our close friends where we would have space to write super meaningful notes to each other, and even draw pictures, and possibly use ten different colors of ink without the pressure of writing around someone else’s work of art. I think technology has killed some of what made yearbooks so special. Social media chronicles our lives for us now, so we don’t have to wait all year to see the highlights.

But I won’t be sad about it; after all, my senior quote in my yearbook is, “Hakuna matata!”

Swirling Vortex of Life

We have one of those amazing and entertaining new washing machines with a window on top. There is no agitator, but it sure does spin, scatter, and swirl the clothes around so they cling to the edges, like those stand up spinning rides at traveling carnivals- you know, the ones that make you want to vomit and leave you feeling as if you are still spinning even after you flee the ride?

standupwhirlride called life

This has been my life this last year. Every time I feel I may be gaining control and pulling the pieces together, everything starts spinning chaotically again.

When my life spins out of control, my writing habits spin out of control. I like- no, I NEED- to have a plan at all times. I’m a bit of a control freak. Don’t get me wrong. I do not need to plan every minute detail in life. I can respect and even enjoy some spontaneity, as long as I can still do what I already planned.

A year ago, I was publishing my second book in the Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl series, preparing for a mission trip, and enjoying a whole lot of freedom.

During the summer, my whole world changed as my husband and I took in a 4 year old family member with no time to prepare. We had only ever had cats and dogs… now we had a human.  Along with that came many personal and family conflicts and issues, so my writing took a back seat to it all. I always tell aspiring authors/writers to write at least a little every day to keep up in the craft, but I was no longer able to do it myself (of course, that’s partly because I need huge chunks of time to write). What a hypocrite I’d become.

Finally, I was at a place where life was gaining regularity and I could see writing on the horizon again… until another life-changing event took place. I began to feel hopeless in ever being able to write again, and even though it’s always been an outlet to me, I just wasn’t able to do it, even in the moments when I had time. I couldn’t feel it in a way where I could make the right words.

My protagonist, Drew, is a bit of an inspiration to me (and oddly she is a good deal of a younger me). The book title would have readers believe she is ordinary, but she is the hero because she is actually anything but ordinary. I don’t think anyone is truly ordinary, but she is relatable, because she struggles with issues we all struggle with. It’s her personality and how she reacts and views these struggles that make her extraordinary.

I’ve had a tough year, and I’m still learning to deal with everything as it comes, but I found time recently to write a couple posts on this neglected blog, and I’ve gotten back into the planning phase of Drew’s sophomore year of high school, with a plan in place to start writing it out this fall. I began to lose hope and just give up my passion and my dream, feeling like maybe it just wasn’t important in the midst of my current struggles, but I realize I need to hold onto that part of myself, no matter what. You should always hold onto your dreams and your passions, even if you have to put them on hold from time to time; when you do achieve them, they will be that much sweeter. Most people will never know what you will go through to get to where you’re going, but you will.

Life happens around you and to you, and there isn’t always much you can do about that; it’s how you react to it that counts.

My Take on Mother’s Day

It has been months now since I took the time to write a heartfelt post. Partly, I have been overwhelmed with life, and partly, the last time I did so, someone took what I wrote out of context and tried to use it against me. It’s hard to bare your soul when people are looking to turn it on you as an emotional weapon, but this person only did so because of her own emotional instability.

Today, Mother’s Day, pulled stirrings in my heart to the surface, and it felt like the right day to make a comeback.

I have always celebrated my own caring, giving, and loving mother on this special day, and my husband sometimes joked about how I am a mommy to our fur children. However, this year, Mother’s Day has taken on a whole new meaning for me. On this day last year, I was traveling home from an out of town job, not having much reason why I would need to be at home. I arrived home, called my mother, and probably spent the remainder of the day watching movies with my husband and our dogs. What would happen just two months later was nowhere on my radar.

One day in June, after going out to watch one of the final USA games in the World Cup, my husband and I arrived at home, and because we could, we took a mid-afternoon nap. When I awoke, my mother had called and wanted me to call her back. It was urgent. Groggy, I dialed her. The long story short version is that my husband and I were called upon to take on a huge responsibility that would most certainly change our lives completely. After fourteen years of blissfully childless marriage, we had been asked to take in a four-year old girl.

How do you even consider saying no to that? When I hung up the phone and approached my husband, his reaction was much the same as mine: shocked, but not doubting we needed to do the right thing. Our preparation for parenthood was nine days, whereas most parents get nine months. Wow!

You can scan back through some of my previous posts to learn more about the adventure as it unfolded, but today the reflection is on the meaning of motherhood.

I was confused for some time as to what my role was to be in this little girl’s life. After all, she technically still has a mother. I’m just the aunt she is living with, right?

But motherhood is so much more than giving life to a little one; it is sustaining that life and growing it with the nourishment of love. As it turns out, a mommy is the one who tucks you in and prays with you at night and gives you much needed hugs and kisses every day. A mommy is the one you cry for when you skin your knee (I have Star Wars Band-aids). A mommy is the one who helps you discover who you are and teaches you life lessons every time an opportunity presents itself. A mommy tosses and turns at night, hoping she is doing a good job, and prays God will give her the wisdom to always do what is right for her little one. She caresses you when you’ve had a bad dream and listens helplessly all night to your coughs when you are sick, wanting to take them away. A mommy is there for you; she doesn’t leave. These are the qualities of a mommy, and so, I have finally discovered, that I am now a mommy.

It is the hardest, yet most rewarding role I’ve ever taken in life.

DSC_0761

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mommies out there. Love them unconditionally. Love them forever. Don’t let them go.

My Writer’s Block Poem

so just write

I haven’t really done much poetry in years. Somehow the perfect storm of discussing writer’s block and reading the poetry of a few talented kids made the following today:

I can’t start to finish

when I can’t even begin.

Lack of inspiration

may be all in my head.

But I can’t seem to find the words

to get me through a line.

Do I have it in me,

to write a verse this time?

Empty words are dulling me.

Nothing now has meaning.

I don’t want to be a writer

with no substance, no feeling.

With my head in my hands,

I let out a monstrous moan.

Yet somehow I have done it.

I have written this poem.

 

Terri Klaes Harper

Copyright 2015

Getting into More Shuffles

lost_books

There is an over-saturation of self-published, or “indie authors.” I know this because I am one of them. Many are good and the changes in the publishing industry can be seen as a blessing for us getting our books out into the world. However, there is an unfortunate number of these authors who really aren’t any good, like the train wrecks we see audition for American Idol and wonder how they could possibly think they had a chance. There are also some who have great potential, but they lack polish and editing. These last two types are bringing us all down, and the good ones are getting lost in the shuffle. People are afraid to take a chance on an unknown because they may have been burned by one already.

It’s all about who you know, the supporters you have, and self-promoting savvy, apparently. I am sadly lacking in these areas, and I’m shy about my work when I am face to face with people. I imagine most writers are introverts, as I am. After all, that is the nature of writing. We tend to be great at expressing ourselves through the written word because we are more internal thinkers. If we were extroverts, we probably wouldn’t take the time to write it down, but would just blurt it all out verbally. Of course, I know there are exceptions, but you get my point, right? So I need to get more extroverts on my side.

When I published my first book, Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl: The Middle-ish Ages, on Kindle 2 1/2 years ago, using the free giveaway option was a great way to get a book noticed, get readers, get reviews, and get more sales. I tried this a few times more recently and didn’t notice any new traffic or increase in sales. I certainly got no new reviews from it. Why not? So many authors are just giving it away now in the same desperation I had in getting noticed, that even in that, we get lost in the shuffle.

I have been published exclusively through Amazon in order to take advantage of the KDP benefits such as the free giveaways and the countdown deals, but I have come to realize that if I’m going to get lost in the shuffle anyway, perhaps I just need to get into more shuffles.

Every 90 days, my books were set to auto-renew into KDP, but I was able to recently rescue book 2 from the exclusivity trap. Book 1 will linger there until mid-April. I have now made book 2 available through Smashwords and Nook as well as Amazon, and book 1 will join as soon as it can. It’s a bit awkward to only be able to offer the second book in a series through these two new formats, but I have hopes of more shuffles.