Category Archives: Inspirational

Having a Mary Moment

Posted on April 28, 2013 by caverns of my mind

When I think about my personality, I realize I’m a Martha, as in Martha and Mary, Lazarus’s sisters (the guy Jesus raised from the dead).   How cool would it be to just hang out with Jesus like these siblings did?

Luke 10:38-42

[38] As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. [39] She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. [40] But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

[41] “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, [42] but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

So, Martha was a type “A” perfectionist.  I totally identify with her.  She probably labelled and color coded her clay pots and wineskins.  I get that.  I once took a “Which Friends Character are You?” quiz and came out between a Monica and a Chandler (I guess I would be their offspring), so I’m a goofy, anal retentive person.

Anyway, I digress.    Martha was working hard, like she probably always did, trying to make everything perfect while her guest was there, and she saw her sister just sitting around hanging with Jesus, so she got mad at Mary.  Deep down, Martha wanted to be the one hanging out, listening to Jesus tell stories, but she couldn’t let go of all the “stuff” that needed to be done.  Out of anger and jealousy of Mary’s ability to just chill, Martha called out her sister, but got a surprise response.

Mary had already taken stock of the situation and she realized spending time with Jesus was far more important than making sure the dirt floor got swept again.  Seriously, the disciples were just going to keep on tracking in more dirt anyway.  It isn’t that we should ignore our responsibilities (there are plenty of scriptures against laziness), but we need to prioritize sometimes and realize that time with the Lord should come first.  We should keep a day of rest.

When I got to church today, I kept thinking about all the research papers I have to get graded in the near future and was planning how many I would get through today.  Then the message was about worship and letting God know we love Him by spending time with Him in worship.

I’ve had many circumstances on my mind lately, some big and some small, and I have seen many prayers answered.  While I sat in church today, I began to realize that I should probably carve out some time from grading research papers and the many other “things” that always keep me busy (after all, I worked on similar tasks all day yesterday already), and spend some time with God.  So that is what I’m going to do today…

prioritize.

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Bankrupt without Love

Posted on February 23, 2013 by caverns of my mind

I have a fascination with dystopian literature.  I’m not sure why, but I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of a perfectly planned society gone askew. The feeling of gray in these stories helps to contrast the color in my reality.  Because we cannot plan perfection; we cannot control thoughts; we cannot limit the abilities of love.  Discovery of self and the ability of even one to make a difference always overcomes the control factor.

This is not what I had planned to write about actually.  I recently heard a song a few times that I thought I might write a little something about.  When I pulled it up on Youtube I found the official video and was impressed that the song was set to the backdrop of a dystopian society and that love was what overcame.  Please enjoy For King and Country’s “The Proof of Your Love.”

Truth is apparent in the lyrics and the video gives an interesting take on the power of love.

I hope that I show love every day, but I’m not sure how others view me.  I feel love on the inside, but often I’m not sure how to express it.  My goal is to do more to be the proof of God’s love in my life.

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My Grown Up Christmas List

Posted on December 24, 2012 by caverns of my mind

I was going to write this incredibly inspiring post about realizing there’s more to Christmas than getting gifts and all the material possessions we may desire, and then I realized it’s been done before… on multiple occasions, and by multiple people.  What else could I say that hasn’t already been said?  I guess I could tell it from my own perspective and through the illustration of how I’ve learned this most important lesson.

I’ll keep it short though.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year, ever since I can remember.  I love listening to and singing along with Christmas music, decorating the tree, making and eating all those holiday goodies we regret later, buying and wrapping presents, and opening my gifts.  But like so many others, by getting wrapped up in wrapping paper and such, we often forget the true meaning of the holiday.

By the way, the true meaning isn’t just the quality time and the giving and loving we do more at this time of year, though that is what creates those warm, fuzzy feelings.  Whether you believe in Him or not, Christmas would not exist if one amazing gift had not been given a couple thousand years ago… the greatest gift ever given, because of what He would give to all of us a little over thirty years later.  Jesus was sent to sacrifice everything for us.  No, I’m not going to preach.  I just think it is beautiful and needs to be kept in mind.

2 Corinthians 8:9 You know the generous grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty he could make you rich. (NLT)

I certainly do not want to become poor, but I understand the idea behind giving in a way I didn’t for so long.  When Robert lost his job, it sure felt like we were poor, and we were unable to give gifts for Christmas, something that depressed me.  As you grow older, you receive less gifts, so it wasn’t that part that made me sad, but that I wouldn’t be going out in search of the “perfect” gifts for all my loved ones, hoping to outdo what I had done the year before.  Don’t get me wrong.  Robert and I always budgeted for our gift-giving so as not to spend what we didn’t have, but we always budgeted generously, especially for each other.  It became almost a contest to see who could stretch the money we allocated for each other the furthest and still get awesome presents.   It wasn’t as much about blessing the other person as it was about the process.

Somehow in all of that, we lost the simplest joy of Christmas.  Now that Robert is working again, we decided not to change much from what we did the last two years while he was unemployed.  We are buying gifts for the small kids in our lives, and other than that, we are giving to those who are in need, and through charities and projects we believe in.  If the adults in our lives do not understand this, than they really don’t know us that well.

I’m not saying giving gifts to family and friends is a bad practice- just try to keep it all in perspective.  Giving doesn’t have to be material objects either; giving time and love, or something you create yourself should be more important than a reindeer sweater with a puffy red nose someone will re-gift anyway.

Keep it simple.  Keep it heartfelt.  Keep it in perspective, and keep others in mind.

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All Oppression Shall Cease

Posted on December 19, 2012 by caverns of my mind

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is the music.  I’ve been singing as many Christmas songs as I could learn since I was first able to sing, as far as I can remember anyway (between singing Christmas songs and songs from Annie loudly, for all to hear when I was a child, it’s hard to understand why I’m terrified to sing in front of people now).  Though I do actually enjoy many of the more secular songs, like “Frosty the Snowman” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” the dearest to me have always been the more traditional songs- the songs about the true origin and meaning of the holiday.  When I was younger, my favorite was always “Silent Night.”  It’s slow, reverent, and beautiful.  However, somehow I had missed for years the most beautiful of all Christmas songs.

Then in the early ’90s, while watching Home Alone, I heard it in the background while Kevin spoke with the “scary neighbor” in the church scene. “O Holy Night,” my favorite Christmas song gives me goosebumps and brings tears to my eyes whenever I hear it done well.  None of those fast-tempo versions can do that though.  It must be sung slowly, and with real feeling.

Intrigued by one of the lesser performed verses of the song (indeed, it is difficult to find versions of the song with this verse), I decided to do some research into the song’s origins.  I found an intriguing piece of literature on the matter, and if you’re also interested, please read.  It’s a bit long, but quite interesting and worth the time.

To make a long story short, for the part of this song’s history most relevant to me, though not originally written for the purpose of abolitionism, the following verse was picked up by an American and used for an anti-slavery message during the Civil War:

“Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.”

Since I find my biggest passion to be fighting modern-day slavery, I guess it’s fitting that this is the dearest of all Christmas songs to me.

I’m sharing a beautiful and reverent version sung by an artist I have only recently heard, Kerrie Roberts. I love that she includes at least most of this often left out verse, and that she keeps the song simple and beautiful. Some modern artists insist on singing crazy vocal runs and just overdoing an already amazing song.

 

 

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Water is Life

Posted on December 9, 2012 by caverns of my mind

I truly believe that people who have the means should give to those who do not in a show of love.  I also believe this should be voluntary and not forced, so that it is done out of love and not resentment, because when you give out of love, you will find yourself blessed for your sacrifice.

In the U.S. and many other developed nations, we tend to take for granted what may be seen as luxuries to many others in our world.

Like clean water.

So now I am advocating for one of my favorite causes, Charity:water, an organization I found completely by chance and on accident.

My husband and I were on the programming team at our church, epic, and we were planning for a series called “Poured Out,” which in essence was about pouring out God’s love all over.  In searching for possible videos to use in context with this lesson, we came across this video and immediately wanted to have our church take on the fundraising to build a well, though nothing like this had been on our radars prior to that moment.

 

We played the video in church, filled empty water bottles with dirty water to display at church, and set up a link from our website for people to give donations toward this cause.  We encouraged people to give $20, which many did.  The goal to meet for building a well was $5,000, an enormous amount of money for one small church to raise.  I remember that as we grew close to our deadline we still had far to go to actually raise the amount for one well.  Then it happened.  An anonymous giver provided half the goal in one donation, putting us over the top for our total goal to help epic church donate a well.  I was driving to a doctor’s appointment when Robert called me to let me know, and I almost had to pull off the road because tears were filling up my eyes and I was so emotional.  It was an exciting and beautiful experience.

Then we had to wait.  With the dangers of civil wars where our well was to be built and the devastation in Haiti, which came soon after we raised this money, our project was put on hold.  Every once in a while, we would remember and Robert would check to see if anything was happening.  Then, just before Thanksgiving this year, he checked it again, and our well had been built!  The completion date was listed as October 2012.

It is in the village of Aragudi in the Tigray region of Ethiopia, where many for which it provides once had to walk up to two hours just to retrieve 5 liters of water from contaminated sources.  Now it only takes these people an average of fifteen minutes… and the 15 liters of water they can now get is purified.  These people take so much pride and care for their well that they even decided to build a stone wall around it, with a door, in order to keep animals out and from contaminating their water, their life source.  They each pay in a small amount to maintain this well, which helps them to feel a pride for contributing to this wonderful water provider.

The well in use

The well in use

It’s exciting to know that halfway around the world, in a different hemisphere, a well our church provided helps give life to a group of people we may never even meet, not on Earth anyway.  I cannot fathom how the simple act of providing clean drinking water has improved the quality of life for an entire village of 357 people.

I still do not know who the anonymous donor was who gave us the boost to be able to provide that well, but I pray he or she is blessed in knowing lives have been changed for the better because of this selfless donation.

The plaque on the well

The plaque on the well

Ephesians 3:20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

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Counting Potatoes

Posted on December 8, 2012 by caverns of my mind

A recent episode of Glee brought back some old memories for me.  Yes, I watch and love Glee.  One of the characters (Ryder Lynn, played by Blake Jenner) confesses that he cannot read, and after some tests, he is informed he actually has dyslexia.  In an emotional scene where he breaks down and shares his feelings about this, he says something that reminded me of when I was a kid.  He mentions how kids are broken into reading groups by levels when they are young and how nobody says anything about it, but everyone knows which groups are the smart kids versus the dumb kids (I paraphrased all of this).

It’s so true.  I was allowed to begin my fantastic school career at the age of four since my birthday fell a day before the cutoff date.  Being younger than everyone else didn’t matter so much later in life, but for the first few years of school, I felt behind in my ability to learn (probably just not mature enough- oddly, I still feel that way now sometimes about the maturity part), and I was placed into the One Potato, Two Potato reading group, with the bilingual kids and the kids who stuttered.  We were the lowest reading group and everyone knew it, especially me.  So, beginning in first grade, I felt I was stupid and I lacked self-confidence.

As an educator I absolutely understand the purpose behind grouping kids this way.  It makes it easier to focus on the needs of each child when they are grouped according to their levels in various subjects; it’s just too bad that these groups are so obvious to others and that kids in these groups begin to feel the labels define them, especially at such a young and developmentally formative age.  However, this doesn’t mean kids cannot overcome the stigma and grow out of these levels and labels.  It takes determination.

I always loved books.  I remember sitting on my mother’s lap, even before I was school-age, while she read nursery rhymes and Golden Books to me.  I remember pulling a stack of books off my bookshelves when my grandmother would visit, and making her read all of them to me.  I even remember when I began to recognize the words,  how I spent time pouring over every book on my bookshelves, and the excitement when a new Disney book would come in the mail each month for a period of my life.  I loved books with a passion that only grew as I grew.  I read myself to sleep quite often, and as I aged, I not only read until I fell asleep (though I fought it by using the one eye at a time method), but when I awoke the next morning, I often picked the book right back up, as long as it wasn’t a school day, because Mom would tell me I was dawdling.  I not only loved the stories, but I loved the way the words were put together to create these stories and the chance to learn new words.

My love of reading transferred into a love of writing and my reading and writing scores on standardized tests were in the above average range, yet I continued to be placed in the lower reading groups for some reason, so I continued to feel stupid.  When I moved to Virginia, I was never tested, nor were any scores taken into account; I was placed in the class that had room for a new kid in the middle of the year, with the kids who didn’t know how to pause at commas and stop at periods when reading aloud. It was so frustrating.  Finally, my freshman English teacher recognized my need to be in an advanced English class.  My self confidence grew and I finally realized I wasn’t stupid and was in fact more talented in that area of my life than any other. Now math was a totally different story…

My point?  Don’t let labels hold you back.  Do what you love with confidence because you never know where it can take you.

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My Own Pink War

Posted on October 13, 2012 by caverns of my mind

During October, I love seeing all the pink out there in support of fighting breast cancer.  The barrage of stories of survivors and those who support them warms my heart and inspires me.  My neighbor is a breast cancer survivor, and she is an awesome woman and mother.  She’s strong and funny and one of the best neighbors anyone could ask for.

I also remember a story from a few years ago about the cross country team at the school where I teach.  I hope I get this right.  I believe the mother of one of the runners had been battling breast cancer, so the team decided to wear pink socks in her honor when they ran at competitions.  They traveled up to New York for a competition and apparently inspired some of the other teams up there.  I love the cool stories like that.  And now I will also proudly wear pink.

Maybe I should not be as proud of the rest of the outfit (it was homecoming week).

It wasn’t always that way for me though.  Once upon a time, I loathed pink.  I’m not sure I really know why I detested pink so much, but I think it had to do with what I felt it symbolized at the time- froo-froo girliness- yuck!  I wasn’t a tomboy or anything, but I was never really girlie either, and pink seemed to epitomize all things frilly and girlie… and weak.

Somewhere through the course of time I began to accept and even like pink.  As I grew older, pink began to symbolize the strength in femininity: pink tool kits, pink camouflage (though I’m not sure what one can blend into with this), and pink firearms.

Walther P22- I need this!

And now grown, rugged men wear pink to support their moms, their wives, and their sisters.  It seems my pink nightmare is truly over.

Now, go in pink, I mean peace.

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“It’s Not a Handout. It’s a Hand Up.”

Posted on October 8, 2012 by caverns of my mind

On Saturday, I got to work with my hands and help build a house for Habitat for Humanity with a crew from my church (epic church). If you have never done a build, I encourage you to give it a try if they are anywhere around your community.  A more fulfilling endeavor will be hard to find, trust me.  I’ve now done three, and I can assure you that taking a look at the progress at the end of the day is an amazing experience.

I’m going to take a paragraph here to dispel the myth that I am an amazingly altruistic, selfless person who always puts others first and spends all of her free time doing for others.  Maybe you didn’t think that anyway.  But if you’ve read my other posts, you may be inclined to believe that all I do is fight human trafficking, go on mission trips, mold young minds, and build homes for people.  I wish that were accurate, but I must be honest in telling you that I really just don’t feel like posting the bad stuff about myself, though I assure you that I am a selfish jerk more often than I’d like to admit.  It’s just that most of the people who read my posts don’t know me, so I thought maybe I could fool you, but it just didn’t feel right.  I am trying, and I want to always be a better person.  Does that count?

Anyway… I was just thinking about how amazing it is to be able to see the progress made in building a house.  When we arrived, only a slab existed on the property.  In a few hours, the frames of the exterior walls were all up and we were nailing on the exterior plywood.  Some worked faster than others, but we all worked hard.  By the end of the day’s work, that slab had complete exterior walls, and I got to help.  Awesome!

In my usual job, I’m constantly building, but I usually cannot see my progress.  Building minds and building houses seem so different.  But maybe they really aren’t.  Sure, I don’t always see the results in teaching (and it would be so much more rewarding if I always could), but I work just as hard at either.  Sweat, labor, and determination go into both, though in teaching the sweat may be more symbolic.  And the pain and exhaustion feel about the same.  My muscles ache; I slam my thumb with a hammer; I get dirty.  You get the point.  One is physical while the other is mental and emotional, but at the end of the day, I’ve been a part of building something that will last.  I can continue this analogy, or I can just make my real point now, which is that sometimes it’s just nice to see a tangible result from hard labor.

I ate all that food for lunch and had three cookies after. Don’t judge. I needed the fuel.

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When I Needed a Bear Hug

Posted on August 20, 2012 by caverns of my mind

On my drive home from my parents’ 45 anniversary celebration, a familiar song came on my iPod and brought back a flood of memories (sorry for the cliche, but it was raining while I was driving, so it seems fitting).

In 2010, my world changed. Robert and I both had secure jobs, but I always felt his was more secure because he is one of those people who never seems to lack confidence, he was amazing at his job, and everybody there loved and respected him… until he got a new boss.  Then, without going into details I still do not understand, Robert suddenly had no job.  Obviously, this was devastating. My exciting teacher’s salary was maybe 3/4 of what he made (if we didn’t count his yearly bonus), and now we would have to learn to live off of just that, and some unemployment, which really isn’t much of anything.

This happened in April, and I was finishing out a stressful school year- in fact, the most stressful I’d had so far after my first year.  I was depressed and struggled just to get up and go to school.  I know, Robert was the one who lost his job, but I have always been the “Money Nazi” in our marriage, so I may have taken it just as hard as he had.  Fortunately there was a severance package; Robert just needed to get a job before that ran out and we’d be fine.

The severance package ran out at the end of June and Robert had no prospects, unemployment was rising in our county, and we were both losing hope.  I didn’t know what I was going to do to make sure we could eat, keep our house, and survive.

I took up running that summer and had just gotten back from a pathetic run (it was way harder to do than I ever figured it would be, so I was feeling pretty sorry for myself), and I was reflecting on all these hopeless thoughts and circumstances and trying to figure out how I was going to fix it.  I just didn’t know what I was going to do, so after stretching, instead of getting up, I just stayed where I was, prostrate on the floor with tears welling up.

And then a song came on, and I listened to it.  In that moment, I realized I had to stop thinking of what I was going to do.  There wasn’t anything I could do.  The problem was way bigger than just me.  What I had to do was let go of it and realize that God was the only one who could get us through this time.  I had no control over the job market or the economy.  I don’t believe God ever brings bad stuff on us, but we live in an imperfect world, so bad stuff does happen.  But God wants to take care of us and let us know we don’t have to do it alone.  The song made me feel like I was getting a hug from God, all wrapped in His arms.

Fireflight- Wrapped in Your Arms

I suddenly remembered Matthew 6:28-34 (NIV)

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I felt loved, protected, and cared for.  I let go of my worries at that time.  I’m not saying everything was perfect after that or that my faith never once faltered, but I kept remembering all the promises God made to us, and all we have to do is give up control to Him.  It’s no coincidence (well, maybe, since I was purposely listening to Fireflight) that after I listened to the previous song a few times, the very next one followed up that message, securing my hope.

Fireflight- You Gave Me a Promise

After almost twenty months, Robert got a job.  Twenty months of unemployment and uncertainty later, we had pulled through, still had a house, and had not starved to death.  Actually, though it had been tight at times, miraculously, we always had at least exactly what we needed.

Maybe that’s where you are right now, needing that hug.  If so, I hope this helped.  We learned so much during that time, and we are now so much stronger in our faith.

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Make Room

Posted on August 18, 2012 by caverns of my mind

It is a nearly unavoidable fact that your life’s routine will get in the way of your dreams and goals, especially when they are already verging on what some people might consider weird or unrealistic.

After being back to work only one week, I quickly realized this to be true.  I have lofty plans and goals, and what I think is a “calling” that just seems so far away right now that my daily routine of being a teacher is threatening to bury that under a pile of lesson plans to create, student work to grade, and materials to read.  These are pending, and my duty as an educator, so how can I put them aside in order to work towards something that still seems a bit crazy in my own mind?

I cannot answer that question.  Sometimes we just have to make room in our lives for the unusual tasks in order to fulfill something extraordinary… and extraordinary rarely happens instantaneously, nor is it easy.

I just finished an inspiring book called Three Cups of Tea, which retells the true story of Greg Mortenson, a mountain climber who just happened to be inspired to build a school in a remote village of Pakistan.  He had no means to do this and no connections.  In fact, he lived in his car in San Francisco.  Yet this man has now successfully built several schools in remote villages of Pakistan (schools really concentrating on educating girls and hoping to educate to bring peace), and now in Afghanistan.

It just takes someone crazy or determined enough to make room to pursue a passion.

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