Monday was the anniversary of having our little girl come live with us. What a wild ride this last year has been. Since we were unaccustomed to being around kids much, we didn’t realize at first that the things she said were funny even in comparison to other kids her age. We thought we were just extra fascinated due to our lack of experience. When we posted many of her “Linneaisms” on Facebook, our friends assured us her wit really does exceed most kids of her age, even though she originally told me she only wanted to be pretty, not funny. Even she has come to embrace it as part of her personality. I told her she doesn’t have to choose between pretty and funny, and that being both is like bringing balance to the Force.
Here are some of the “Linneaisms” I’ve been saving for her. Sometimes the humor is more in the delivery, but they’re still pretty funny and cute.
Linnea: *Exaggerated sigh and hand to face* I can’t be a princess anymore. It’s too hard.
Me: Which part makes it so hard?
Linnea: Not picking princess noses. I don’t think I can take it anymore.
Me: Hmm. Do you need a tissue?
Linnea: I don’t know. *followed up by another sigh*
Later that day, while talking about starting VPK…
Linnea: I will tell my teacher every day that I already know about Darth Vader.
“We’re having a laughing good morning!”
Later that day, at lunch…
“Excuse me, Aunt Terri. Look at my macaronis. I have three. The big one is Uncle Robert. This medium one is Aunt Terri, which is you, and this little one is me, which is me.”
At our house everything comes in three sizes to represent us, and we eat three little bears style, in that we have different, appropriate sized bowls and cups to eat and drink out of. She insists.
While Linnea was eating oatmeal (dinosaur eggs) and drinking chocolate milk out of her Darth Vader cup, she began talking to the cup.
Linnea: Oh, Darth Vader, would you like some oatmeal?
Linnea as Vader: *voice changed* No thank you, because it is not black.
“My farts all came out in a line. But the last two forgot to get in line.”
“There aren’t any dinosaurs in town anymore.” I think this one is so funny because we live in a town that got it’s start as a retirement community.
Linnea: What does a wish mean?
Robert: Something that you really want but don’t have.
Me: What do you wish for, Linnea?
Linnea: I just wish I could have a magillion shoes! *arms stretched wide*
“Aunt Terri, your hair is turning white. You could be Anna.” (from Frozen, in case you aren’t familiar with the movie)
“I’m so colorful that Uncle Robert, I mean Darth Vader, is going to cry like kooh-kaah when he sees me. Oh gosh! Oh gosh! I can’t even stop being adorable!”
Robert: You’re such a ham.
Linnea: No, actually I am a yogurt.
A child’s art of distraction
Me: Are you sleepy?
Linnea: No, I’m just thinking.
Me: Oh, do you think with your eyes closed?
Linnea: I’m just thinking that I love you.
“No matter what I get for Christmas, I just want you and Uncle Robert, and the Wookiees [what she calls our dogs], and Truffles. But I don’t think they’ll fit in our stockings though.”
Robert: Aunt Terri and I were kind of surprised that you didn’t come out of your room when you knew we were up.
Linnea: I was trying to make room in my belly so I’d be hungry for bregdest [breakfast], so I was doing exercises in my bed.
She knows how to tease with intrigue.
“I can’t show you this, but it’s very exciting to watch.”
Linnea walks up to me wearing a mask.
Linnea: Aunt Terri, I’m a superhero.
Me: Oh, what is your name and what power do you have?
Linnea: Princess Superhero [well, duh!], and my power is pink.
“Farts come from the Dark Side.”
Linnea: Is that part of your bathing suit?
Me: No, it’s just a tank top to wear over it.
Linnea: Oh, so nobody tickles your belly button?
“Fish have summer school.”