Very recently I alluded to being in a place now where I am trying to find my “greater purpose,” or my path for the future. This is why I left teaching. I felt there was something more for me. And now I’m not really doing much of anything, which is strange, because I’m always doing something. I thought the recent mission trip to Guatemala would somehow open my eyes immediately, yet though it was an amazing trip, I may have put too much on that alone, instead of seeing it as part of something. I’ve been inwardly reflecting on my lack of purpose more lately as I see my former colleagues heading back into the teaching trenches. I feel they, and many other people in my life, are watching me and expecting that either I will find this “greater purpose” and it will be amazing, or that I will fail and return to teaching. I still feel I left for the right reasons, which leaves the amazing purpose as my only option. So why don’t I feel like God has revealed it to me yet?
After I dropped off Robert at work yesterday, this song came on the radio.
And it hit me then.
One thing I need more of in my life is patience. I think I am on the right path, but in this moment I need to rest. It’s not that nothing is happening, but I cannot always see that it is and I get frustrated. So this song is my prayer, that God will give me peace in the moment as I wait. It will happen in His timing if I continue to wait on Him. As long as I was teaching I was not ready to move forward. That had to be cut, or pruned, from my life, and it’s still a fresh change, so maybe God is still preparing me.
As I walked back in the door of my home I also remembered a card I had hanging on our refrigerator from Kenneth Copeland Ministries that I had put there when we were struggling through Robert’s unemployment. The message had been about Resting in the Blessing. Part of it is written as a message from God and when I read this again it brought me comfort. I knew there was a reason I always keep these things.
“Come on up here. Now sit down with Me. Sit down here on the throne with Me. Everything is going to be all right. My angels are at work. THE BLESSING is working for you. Just sit down here. Take your rest. Take it easy. Everything is in good shape. The walls are up. My power is in operation. Now just take your rest.”
I leave this as my final prayer
Psalm 25: 4-5 (NIV)Psalm 25:4-5
Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
caverns of my mind 