Throw Back Thursday: Broken

I’ve been enjoying the embarrassing old pictures people are posting on Instagram and Facebook every Thursday, and I’ve even participated a bit.  Then I thought, “What’s more embarrassing than old big hair pictures of myself?  Stuff I wrote back in the day. So, in that vein I believe I will begin Throw Back Thursdays on my blog every few weeks.

Broken

It used to be a tool,

and every beat was good.

So many beats for you.

I always thought it would last,

and beat a billion more

strong beats for you.

Now it is broken up.

My heart no longer pounds

any beats at all.

It is broken and destroyed,

shattered and crushed,

and no more beats are left.

I wish it could beat again,

but it’s too broken to care,

and too hurt to even try.

Why must it all end?

This broken tool is dead.

It will never beat again.

Copyright 1995

My Words as Weapons: The Truth about Prostitution

I’ve said this somewhere in my blog before, but there has never been a little girl (or boy for that matter) who dreamed of being a prostitute, selling her soul and body over and over again, when she grew up.  So where do these practitioners of “the oldest profession” come from then?  Sure, some get lured in or kidnapped through human trafficking, but some of these women (and men) have chosen this profession for themselves, right?

That is what people tell themselves in order to ignore the plight of these people, in order to overlook the wrongful stigma placed on these people, and in order to not have to admit that we have more control and responsibility in ending this than we want to take on, and in order to not have to realize that these are people.

I read Escaping the Devil’s Bedroom by Dawn Herzog Jewell several months ago and though much of the book haunted me, something that really stood out was when a couple took notice of young women who “voluntarily” prostituted themselves (from page 26). “They lacked other viable options for supporting themselves and their families.  Many women told Mark that they chose prostitution, but, he says, ‘When you ask them what their choices were, they had only one choice.'”  Survival, fear, and trickery are the most common drives for women to prostitute themselves.  Then once they are in they don’t know how to get out and many are controlled.  They are existing, but they’re not living.  They do it out of necessity.

And who do we blame for the existence of this profession?  Most blame the prostitutes, not the men who purchase sex.  But it’s a simple supply and demand.  If nobody purchases sex, sex will no longer need to be sold.  Then changes can begin to take place.  And you may ask, what then will these women who have nothing else to offer do? That is why we need to not only end human trafficking and the demand for the flesh trade, but offer more to these women (and men) as a means to support themselves.  We are such a creative people and there are many organizations and growing companies out there offering  change.  We need to invest more into them, with money and our hearts.  We cannot change the world overnight.  I realize that.  But we can begin to change it in small ways, as long as we admit that we can.

How do we drive down the demand for sex?  That seems like an impossible obstacle to overcome, but turning the way we currently do things in the US (and all over really) upside down can make a huge impact.  I learned by watching an incredible documentary on human trafficking, Nefarious: Merchant of Souls, that Sweden has done just this.  About ten or so years ago they switched the law around.  Prostitution is now legal, but the “johns” who purchase sex are arrested.  Demand has quickly taken a dive and pimps and traffickers aren’t interested in doing business in such a high risk setting.  What if we did that worldwide?  Change has happened there already, so we have proof that it works. Also, according to this article I found, Cook County, Illinois has been putting this idea into action to see how it works.  Also, Houston and Harris County, Texas have outlawed the johns.  Good for them.  Let’s keep it up and let it spread.

Take the stigma off the prostitutes and place it where it belongs, on those renting and ruining human souls.

Coming up for Air before I Dive Back in

I didn’t write a single post last week.  Yep, neglected the entire blog.  I was writing though.  In fact, I was doing something possibly more important:

finishing my sequel.

I struggled to keep on track while writing this follow up book to Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl: The Middle-ish Ages.  I even resented it at times.  I loved my characters but regretted letting them grow up, much like a parent would, I guess.  At times I even questioned why I was writing a sequel.  Sequel success is a gamble.  It might be a terrible follow up, causing me to lose the loyal followers I actually have, who would begin to loathe me and my inadequate sequel writing abilities, possibly blaming me for global warming… ok, that last part is a bit over the top, but you get the idea.  It was pressure, and I wasn’t sure my heart was always in it.

This is how I sometimes felt through the process.

This is how I sometimes felt through the process.

Then I would reread portions of the book and remember that I loved what I was writing.  And I was inspired even more around the time of writing the last quarter or so of the book when I read something about “finding my awesome” in a Jon Acuff book (Start).  I don’t have the book handy right now, but I know there was a question about whether you would do the thing you were doing regardless of anything else, just because it’s who you are and what you do.  I write.  It’s what I do, so one day I sat down and started writing a book.  After I finished the book I had no idea what to do with it, so I did nothing for a while.  Then I self published it and other people started reading it and asking if I was writing more about Drew, and I decided I wanted to know what was going to happen in her life too, so I started a second book to help create her further existence.  I wanted to do it anyway because I like Drew.  So I wrote a sequel, and last Friday I put the final words on said sequel.

Now I wait.

I have some editors who need to read the book.  My book cover designer is trying to translate my requests into something that looks awesome.  I desperately need to figure out this whole self-promoting thing. Then I will need to go back and make corrections based on my editors’ suggestions and my own need to constantly seek perfection.  Then, finally, I will release my sequel into the world and allow others to judge my worth as a writer, my sequel writing abilities, and Drew, my beloved character whom I would like to shelter and protect forever.  This is not an easy task.  What if people don’t like her?  Sure, I know she’s fictional, but she’s also me and my creation.

At this moment my release goal is mid to late May.  I’ll update that here as the process continues and I know more specifics.  But I’m going to take a complete break from Drew now, at least for a couple weeks.

A Title-less Chapter from my Sequel in Progress

I’m almost finished writing the sequel to my Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl: The Middle-ish Ages, and I feel like sharing a teaser today.  If you were a student anywhere around the time I was, enjoy the nostalgia.  Otherwise you might need to Google stuff.  I’m hoping to have my follow-up ready to release by mid-May.  Enjoy and spread the word:

The phone rang only one more time that night, and it was Adrienne.  Feeling defeated, I hadn’t even bothered to rush to the phone and just lay on my vermilion carpet, staring at the Spirograph-looking design on my ceiling until my mom yelled that Adrienne was on the phone for me.  I shuffled across the hall and all the way around my parents’ bed (normally I would have flung myself right onto it, grabbing the phone while I landed) to pick up the phone.  “Ok, Mom.  Hang up. I’ve got it,” I yelled then put my ear to the phone, not saying a word until I heard my mom’s line click.  “Hey, Adrienne.  Are you back to the world of the living?”

“Not quite.  I feel a bit like the undead.  I think there was a point where I almost went into the light, but my future husband Kurt Cobain called me back.”

“Are you coming to school tomorrow?”

“Probably not.  I also still look like the undead.  I was calling to give you my locker combo so you could grab a few things for me.”

“Adrienne Pierce!  You’re not going to do homework, are you?”  Adrienne was smart, but she was mostly lazy and she didn’t usually care enough to bring home work.

“I might.  I know I’m going to be really behind.  You know, if I can pass my tests and quizzes, I should be mostly ok, but I probably couldn’t do that right now.  I do want to actually pass.”

“Wow.  High school has changed you.  You’re growing up right before my eyes,” I feigned the whole choked up and crying thing.

“Yes, Master Drew.  I learned from you.”

“Ah, very good, young Grasshopper.”

“Anything non-academic I need to know about? Mom said you stopped by the other evening while I was all out of it.  Usually you just call, so I figured it might be a biggish deal.”

“Uhh…” I hesitated, embarrassed.

“Drew.  It’s me.  What’s up?”

“I don’t know.  I’m stupid.”

“I need a story to corroborate this claim.”

I told her everything, sparing not a single detail in the process, but I did it in record time because I just wanted it to be over.  And then I paused to give her time to consider.

“So he hasn’t called?”

“No.”

“Well, you’ll see him tomorrow.”

“I know!  What do I say?  I wish you were going to be there so I wouldn’t have to face him alone.  I made such a fool of myself.”

“Maybe.  Maybe not.  You’ll find out tomorrow.”

“That’s your wisdom for me?”  I asked incredulously.

“It’s all I got.  Undead, remember?”

“Oh, all right,” I whimpered.  “I need you feeling better.  I’m a disaster on my own.  I need my wing-girl.”

“I’ll be flying next week.  Just get my books and drop them off tomorrow.  I need socialization with someone outside my family or I’m going to have to drink Windex or something.”

“Will do.  See you tomorrow afternoon, if I survive.”

“You will.”

And I did, though I was only bodily present in each of my other classes that day.  Ms. Finch noticed right away, but we were fortunately given time after our vocabulary quiz to either write in our journals or read a book.  I reread the same page of Petals on the Wind about a hundred times.   Why did V.C. Andrews find it necessary for every member of the Dollanganger family to have a name beginning with a C?  I thought I’d sorted it out in the first book, but now I was getting the characters blurred and thinking about how my name, Danny’s name, and Dustin’s name all began with a D.  Of course, we weren’t nearly as twisted as that incestuous brood, but it did make my mind wander. She reminded us that our journals were due on Monday.

By photography, I was ready to face Dustin, no matter what.  The uncertainty clouded everything else.  I arrived with a smile on my face, which faded as the warning bell sounded, and disappeared completely when the final bell rang without any sign of Dustin.  Then relief spread though my entire being.  This explained it.  He was sick, or some horrible thing had happened to a family member and he was unable to attend school or call me last night.  The circumstances were entirely out of his control.

I expressed this theory to Adrienne as I dropped off her books that afternoon and we watched Paula Abdul and Keanu Reeves in her Rebel Without a Cause style video for “Rush Rush.”  Somehow we found her to be an acceptable pop artist, and we both drooled over Keanu, just as we had while watching him bring down surfer bank robbers in Point Break.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” she coughed out and then blew her nose.

“Man, you’re still sick.”

“Actually, I feel much better.  What are the dress-up days for next week?”

“You’re suddenly feeling the need to express your school spirit for Homecoming?”

“I like a chance to wear weird stuff.”  Adrienne had never really needed an excuse to do so before, but it would be easier if it was sanctioned.

“Uh, let me see,” I said as I opened my own bookbag.  I had come straight to Adrienne’s after getting off the bus and had walked with Emily.  At some point earlier in the week I had shoved the Homecoming flyer into the bottom of my front pocket of my hunter green Jansport.  At least four pieces of paper were uncrumpled in the process before I found it, straightening out the creases on the edge of Adrienne’s coffee table.  “All right.  Monday is pajama day.”

“Done.  Got that for sure,” she replied.  “Next.”

“Tuesday is crazy hat day.”  I paused, but Adrienne didn’t add any commentary that time, so I moved down the list.  “Wednesday is cross dress day.  No.  Wait.  They had to change it.  Apparently some parents complained because some of the senior guys were planning to wear miniskirts or something.”  We both looked each at each other and laughed.

“So what are we doing instead?”

“Uh, I can’t remember.  They announced it today during photography, but my mind was elsewhere.”

“Inside out and backwards day!”  Emily shouted from the kitchen.

“How do you even know that, Emily.  You’re in middle school,” Adrienne called back, annoyed.

“I hear stuff,” was her simple reply as she walked in front of us with a brownie to get to their bedroom.

“Hey!  Where’s my brownie?” we both asked in unison.

“I think they’re in the kitchen,” Emily said as she shut the door behind her.

Assuming we were both too lazy to make our way to the kitchen for brownies, I continued with the list.  “Thursday is blast from the past day.”

“Cool!  We are totally going to raid my grandma’s closet this weekend.”

“And Friday is spirit day.  School colors and stuff like that.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing that.  I don’t own maroon outside of gym class, and I don’t really wear it then either.”

“Same here.  I better go now though.  I came straight here and Mom will worry I missed the bus.  I’ll see you tomorrow if you feel better.”

“Cool.  Later.”

(Obviously you should consider this as Copyrighted material and not try to pass any of it off as yours)

Where Do We Go from Here?

I pulled this image from a great and brief blog post by Rob Morris of Love 146

I pulled this image from a great and brief blog post by Rob Morris of Love 146

Exactly a week ago I had a large red X drawn on my hand as a symbol to bring awareness to modern day slavery, more commonly referred to as human trafficking (a term many don’t understand), and so did many others.  I blogged about Shine a Light on Slavery Day and the End It Movement, and so did many others.

It was awesome to see celebrities and regular people flooding social media with inspiring quotes and pictures of them showing off their marked hands.  People who had been unaware were asking questions, which was exactly the point.

But now what?  I wore an X on my hand and more people know about slavery, but what can we do about it?  Plenty.  You can give to an organization that fights the atrocity.  You can find a way to get involved in the fight through one of the great organizations out there.  You can blog about it or find your own way to continue to spread the word.

JUST DO SOMETHING. Sorry- I don’t usually do the all caps yelling thing, but I really need to emphasize this idea. You need to find your own way to contribute to the fight.  Imagine if everybody who now knows about the 27 million slaves today took some sort of action.  That number would fall drastically.  So help to end slavery.  How?  Below is a list of several organizations I know of, and there are so many more.  I suggest you research what is available in your local community too.

Love 146

A21 Campaign

Not for Sale

Polaris Project

Free the Slaves

International Justice Mission

Some Beats None

I stole the title from a main takeaway idea from the book Start by Jon Acuff. (This isn’t really a book review, but a focus on what I’m thinking about now based on this one idea.) I have to keep reminding myself of these three words of wisdom because I am so often an all or nothing, perfectionist type of person.

Well, if I can’t get it perfect the first time, I just don’t want to do it.

or

I don’t have time to do all of it at once, so I just won’t start it at all.

But… we all have to begin somewhere, right?

I have a huge revolving to do list and I feel like I add more to it than I am ever able to check off.  Accomplishing one thing often leads to more that needs to be done to keep up.  This is because I am a writer getting ready to release a new book, and because I am a bit neurotic.  No, seriously, I feel I must remain busy because I have no “real job” anymore since I left the teaching profession, and I am now always trying to find ways to continue participating in contributing to society.  Otherwise I would feel worthless, and being able to do this was part of the reason I left my job.  It all ties together in one vicious cycle, but I can only keep my sanity if I hold onto the “some beats none” mantra.

I cannot do it all at once, but I can do what I can when I can do it.  You follow? I have learned to break down my to do list with more subcategories so I can still see my progress even if I do not yet see results.  It really helps.

In writing this post, I have already done a little of the some I have on today’s to do list.  One small victory.  Now onto the next!

My Words as Weapons: A Reminder

My hand from last year's Shine a Light on Slavery Day

My hand from last year’s Shine a Light on Slavery Day

Tomorrow is the day to join the End It Movement and place a red X on your hand to help create awareness for human trafficking, which is actually modern day slavery.  I don’t have much that is new to say on the subject right now. Actually, just the other day a gentleman from church was talking to me about my blog (I had forgotten that the blog address is part of my email signature and I had sent out an email in regard to an event the church was taking part it and he had linked to it from there) and mentioned that he especially found my posts on human trafficking to be interesting.

This is awesome because it means I’m doing something right!

So I thought back to some of the posts I have made on the subject and I decided perhaps it was time to collect them into one pace and share it in time for Shine a Light on Slavery Day.  If you find any of these to be informative, interesting, or just heartbreaking or maddening enough to want to help, wear a red X on your hand tomorrow and share my post(s).

Awareness is a start.

Here are some of my past human trafficking posts:

To Love… (the fundraiser has long since ended, but the other content still applies)

Let Freedom Ring!

Human Beings are NOT Commodities

Hope Lies in Creating Ripples

All Men are Created Equal…All

Anyone Can Make a Change

Stop it BEFORE it Happens

Stand in the Gap and Fight Injustice

Righteous Anger

How Words Shape our Perspectives

Armed for Battle

The Unnerving Rising Number

Creepy American Tourists

Joining the Fight with Others

Super Bowl Trafficking

This Crazy thing Called Technology: Just an Observation

I was just having a flashback moment last night that resulted in the inspiration for today’s post.  Who remembers cameras that used real film?  Anybody remember anything other than the common 35 mm camera?

The only difference is that my first camera way baby blue, not pink.

The only difference is that my first camera way baby blue, not pink.

My first camera was a 110 Concord and I quickly learned that all my pictures would be off center until I learned to purposely aim it a bit to the left (or right- I really don’t remember which way anymore, but it was definitely off center).  Of course, I went through the entire multi-pack of film I was given with this wonderful Christmas gift, and waited the customary one month minimum it took for my mom to take me to drop off the film, and then the additional week it took for the grocery store to send the film away to their lab for development before I learned this fact.  So maybe I didn’t learn this lesson quickly at all.

And that is the point to this post: Technology advancement.  I was probably ten or so and my first muse and model for my photography was our family’s cat.  After that first round of pictures finally came back (and I didn’t care that they were terrible and off-center), I had to save up my allowance to buy film and pay for developing because my mom already had a pretty good idea what the cat looked like and wasn’t going to pay for such nonsense.

Now?

Now we point and shoot our phones at something and instantly upload our pictures to Instagram, which we can link to Facebook, or send them to our spouses or mothers via a text message.  The key word is instantly.  It’s crazy!  And I didn’t even mention the quality difference yet.  There are baby pictures of me that have discolored over the years from physical photo development, but modern mommies can capture amazingly clear photos of first steps and keep them safely in a cloud, or the cloud, or whatever.  The clarity, megapixels and whatnot, are far beyond the technology of my grainy 110 camera from my childhood.

I rarely bother actually printing photos anymore either.  I’d just have to place them into bulky physical photo albums.  Now I just move them around on my computer to organize them into virtual photo albums that only take up as much room as is needed on my computer or back-up hard drive.

I could go on and on about this, but I believe I’ve made the point of my amazement.  And I refuse to let the exponential growth of technology make me feel old, just fortunate to be around to see it (and incidentally, I’m really not very old).

Sequel Excerpt of the Talent Show

A little sample of Drew’s progress in her freshman year, an excerpt of the sequel to Memoirs of an Ordinary Girl: The Middle-ish Ages.

Florntayor’s Got Talent…Sort of

If nothing else, working as part of the backstage crew at the school’s talent show gave me something to do on a Friday night, and though there were no judges or winners, I was feeling quite judgmental, and I really questioned a few of the acts and outfits that strutted across the stage.  Make-out girl from my neighboring locker did some sort of gymnastics meets dance routine while wearing nothing more than a flesh colored body suit and a smile.  Little was left to the imagination, and a flashback montage of all her tonsil-tickler partners and Valentine hearts played in my head, which I shook quietly to myself in the dark behind the stage.

Lance, the mouth breather, performed a magic routine, but everything he attempted failed, and he shuffled off the stage with his left wrist handcuffed to his right ankle and feathers coming out of his pants.  A brother and sister combination played “Dueling Banjos,” and that disturbed me but seemed fitting for Florntayor. Mona performed a baton routine that I guess she used for her beauty pageants.  I secretly hoped she’d hit herself in the head, but she only dropped the baton once, albeit, it landed at the feet of a couple in the front row, which made me smile a little. For the rest of the night some poetry was recited by a mousy junior girl and Bryan Adam’s “Everything I Do” was sung a cappella, and badly, by a senior who was using it as a means to ask a girl to prom.  She said yes and with tears in her eyes, which were obviously there for different reasons than the tears I had in my eyes after the performance.

And then Vile Contagion took the stage and took it with force.

Terri Klaes Harper 2014

Let’s Shine a Light on Slavery

Join the End It Movement on February 27 (next Thursday) to help “shine a light on slavery.”  You can do this by marking a large red X on your hand.

End It

Why?  What is a red X going to do besides make it look like you forgot to wash your hands really well after you went out to the club?

The red X alone cannot end slavery.  If it could, I’d buy stock in red Sharpies and do it every day; however, if you’re out and about the red X may induce curiosity in others, who will then ask you why you’re sporting a red X, and then you can inform them that slavery didn’t actually end with the Emancipation Proclamation and that it does, in fact, still exist all over the world, including our own “free country,” the United States.  And then, BOOM, you’ve helped create awareness.  Changes cannot be made if nobody knows this exists, but if everybody knows, an outrage will spread and changes WILL be made through the stirring of our hearts to this injustice.  With awareness, a movement of action will spread.

There are ten great organizations joined in this coalition and all are committed to creating awareness, ending slavery, and/or rehabilitating those who are rescued out of human trafficking.  You can and should check them all out here.

Once you read this, please spread the word.  Share this post; share the website; wear your red X next Thursday; get involved any way you can.  Over 27,000,000 imprisoned people’s voices can be heard if you help.

http://enditmovement.com/#featured_video