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Monday Morning Meltdown Madness and a Case of the Mopey Mopes

Forgive my excessive alliteration. I sometimes find it to be therapeutic, and I needed some therapy today.

And coffee.

I’m on my second cup and I’m usually just a one cup kind of girl.

meltdown

Apparently I’m not the only one around here who is “in a funk”today  (I’ve always hated that phrase, but it works). The girl usually loves going to school, and she’s never before been sad when I dropped her off, so it seemed to come from nowhere this morning when she held on to my leg, refusing to let go, ignoring her happily hugging classmate best friend. “I want to stay with you. I want to stay with you,” was on repeat from her lips as I tried to figure out my escape. Both teachers tried to help, but we were all shocked as this is just not the usual behavior of Linnea. When I finally made my escape, I held back tears until I got to the car.  What a jerk I am for leaving her, right?  Maybe? Maybe not? I don’t know. These things happen, right?

My guess is that her spending every waking moment with me over the weekend, especially since I was out of town the last two weekends, has ruined her for anything else. Turns out, I’m awesome to hang out with (you know, if you’re four). That’s my theory anyway.

We’ve had a few firsts lately (this and projectile vomiting too), and it’s seriously testing me and leaving me feeling more inadequate than ever. People tell me that’s a normal feeling, but it has me all mopey. I hate to see her so sad. It also has me feeling guilty that I try to accomplish anything else- ever- that doesn’t revolve around her. My life is no longer my own, and that’s still a hard adjustment, because I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy for me to no longer feel like I have an identity, nothing familiar in my own routine. There has to be a way to still be me while stepping into a “mommy” position…right? I thought I’d have that figured out by now.

When your life gets turned upside down almost instantly, you rethink and re-prioritize everything. I do not resent the little girl who needs us, but myself for not figuring this out yet. Then I realize it’s the same thing I keep telling her when she doesn’t get something perfect the first time she tries it (she’s so hard on herself about this): nobody gets anything right the first time; it takes practice and experience, but we just have to keep on trying. How can I expect her to understand this, when I don’t give myself the same benefit?

My Comeback: Day Three

housewife_a

Yes, I missed day two.  I’m okay with that though; after all, I have accomplished much in a short time.  The house is clean (including laundry…and most of it is even folded and put away), the pantry is stocked, the budget from July is caught up and I’m working on August, I’ve made many necessary phone calls (I always put this off anyway because I hate the phone), and I am spreading out my errands and appointments this week.  I think I’m going to make it and I feel like Wonder Woman (as long as I don’t look at how much is still left on my stupid to do list).  I’m getting there.  I’m getting my life back, and the time I have to spend with the girl has been better quality because of it.

And how was her first day of school? She threw a fit when it was time to go because she wanted to stay. Then she was mad because she had forgotten to give her teacher a hug and kiss and demanded I turn the car around once we were across town (no, I did not). When we got home she did not want her lunch.  I felt absolutely defeated by the time she went down for her nap.  But after she got up she was happy and we talked about making the next day better. When I picked her up yesterday, she hugged and kissed her teacher and ran to me with open arms and a smile. Yep, that’s what it’s all about. I may feel like I’m trudging through blindly and feeling overwhelmed, but I’m doing something right.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.