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My Peculiar Confession

I do not have children, nor have I ever desired to have children (for maybe about 6 months of my life because it felt like a duty I should take care of, like paying taxes, walking the dog, or something); however, I am tired of those who propagate assuming I don’t because I am a selfish person.  And even if I were childless due to being selfish, why would anyone want to argue with me about it and try to talk me into having kids.  If there are people out there who have made a conscious decision not to have babies because they know they are selfish, wouldn’t it be best to let it rest?  Don’t we have enough bad parents in the world?

I have several reasons for not having kids (many I believe I covered sometime ago in my blog), but one is, surprisingly, that I don’t want to be selfish.

That’s right.  One reason I have not procreated is because I want to keep myself from being too selfish.  I have an intense personality and I put my all into whatever I do, to the point of it almost becoming unhealthy at times.  I taught for seven years, and in that time I touched the lives of more kids than I ever could have if I had one or two kids of my own.  Sure, some people do both, but for a personality such as mine, I knew I had to make a choice because I would only be good at one.  By the thank yous I often get from students I was able to encourage and inspire, I believe I made the right choice.

Now I’m not teaching, so people have asked me again about why I don’t have kids.  Well, I’m not as young as I used to be and I know it gets riskier to have a healthy first baby at this point, so again, wouldn’t that be selfish?  (Not to mention that I still have no biological urge to do it)

By remaining childless, my husband and I have less obligation, allowing us more chances to put ourselves into projects and places where we can help others.  We both desire to do this, but I know if I had a child, I would block out the world and make everything about that one little being, while there are so many others in this world with needs.  I’d rather work on a larger scale.  I believe this is why God never gave me the desire to breed.  Seriously.  I know it sounds weird, but it’s true.

I genuinely hope so many people with children will stop assuming they know the reasons people decide not to have kids and that the reason is that we’re all selfish.  Unless you know the person and her story, you cannot assume this about her.  It’s the equivalent to those of us without kids assuming everyone with offspring has them because they are narcissistic and felt nothing but the desire to create facsimiles of themselves.  That is not a fair assumption, and neither is the other.


About caverns of my mind


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