Like an aged pop star, reinventing herself once again, I’m starting over, but without the help of plastic surgery and a personal trainer. Instead, I am counting on the love and support of my husband, family, friends, and God. I’m going to need Him, for sure.
After a decade in the making, I know God gave me the traits of perseverance and optimism. Even when it seemed my dreams had run their course, I never let go of the hope that there was more to come. And now I finally get to realize it.
Once upon a time, I was a high school English teacher. I was awesome at my job, and I loved my kids. But the job ruled my entire life, causing my husband to claim he felt like a widower and for burnout to slither its way into my periphery. At seven years in, I knew I’d never make it until retirement without losing a bit of my mind and becoming a jaded, crusty curmudgeon. So, I went out while I was still kicking butt and kicking hard.
While some of my students made up a fun story that I was leaving teaching to join Disney on Ice as Princess Leia, I knew in my heart exactly what I wanted to do and that I could not ice skate. However, the reality was that my dream entailed going back to school, something my husband was unlikely to agree to and which I felt it would be unfair to even suggest. He had wanted to go to school, so I wasn’t about to trump him.
Then so many things happened to us that were out of our control, and some that were. Life got away from us. We found ourselves both unemployed and raising somebody else’s little girl. I saw my dream begin slipping off my fingertips and into oblivion. My husband managed to snag a part-time job, and an offer came to me out of nowhere, just as I knew I would have to secure employment for myself (I had been doing various odd-jobs and contract work).
A local pyrotechnics manufacturer was in need of someone organized, with attention to detail, and the ability to write to be their compliance specialist. A friend of mine, the wife of the company’s VP, thought of me. Those characteristics sounded like me, and I sure needed a job, so I took it, even though I knew nothing about the industry of pretty stuff that goes boom.
While those characteristics described me, and I was successful in my job, I never felt it fit my personality. I still wanted something else. But what I had first thought would be temporary was where I remained as my husband went back to school and landed himself a wonderful job where he was finally happy, where I stayed put as we lost the girl we had been raising, and where it seemed I would eventually retire, because it was a good job that met our needs.
Until we realized we could not remain in sweltering Florida, and the Blue Ridge mountains began calling us to them. We decided to stay put until the girl we loved was out, or nearly out, of school. It seemed important to be around as long as, and in case she may need us. Which raised the question of what I was to do once we moved. My husband’s job could transfer, but few pyrotechnic manufacturers exist in the United States.
My dream began to whisper to me again, and I found the courage to finally tell my husband what I wanted to be when I grew up. And that it would require me to go back to school… again. I didn’t expect it to go as easily as it did. But we’ve both grown up so much in this last decade since I left my teaching career. It is clear to me now that I wasn’t ready then, but I know I am now. I had to learn and grow and find my true self.
Last Friday, I celebrated my last day of eight and a half years keeping my workplace in compliance with all the regulating alphabets. Next Monday, I will begin working on my Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling through Liberty University online. Now, I just have to work out the details of gaining certification in Florida and North Carolina, so I’ll be ready when we move about a year after I graduate.
I do not know the details of what is to come, but I think it’s going to include land and animal-assisted therapy with my Australian shepherds. There are young people out there who are struggling with mental health. The world is getting harder for them to navigate with the resources they’ve been given and the impersonal takeover of technology and AI. But God gave me a heart for young people, and now He is giving me the training and resources to work with them.
The missing details will fall into place as I need them. For now, I am just going to take one step of faith at a time, trusting Him to lead me on the correct path. So many small signs have shown me I’m headed the right way now. I always knew my compassionate and empathetic heart was meant to be used to help others. How blessed I am for this opportunity.
Stay tuned.
caverns of my mind 